Hollywood, CA — In a move that is equal parts morally, factually, and grammatically incorrect, People Magazine has named former president John F. Kennedy the “Sexiest Man Dead” of 2023. “After 3…
Tag: sexy
Entangled dolphin wears fishnets for Halloween
News in Photos…
Sexy devil Luigi nurse costume starting to lose the plot
VICTORIA – Taylor Hawkins’ elaborate Halloween costume has confounded everyone at the party she’s attending, according to local sources. “Okay, so Satan and his minions sometimes take attractive…
Prince William named world’s sexiest bald man as if Mr. Clean isn’t literally right there
LONDON – According to a new study by Google, Prince William has finally been crowned king… as sexiest bald man. As if Mr. Clean wasn’t literally right there the entire fucking time. Eileen …
Fuckable Canadians exempted from new mask recommendation
OTTAWA – Canada’s chief public health officer officially recommended this week that non-sexy Canadians wear face masks when they are unable to maintain a two meter physical distance f…
Choking man with fantastic abs impossible to Heimlich, dies
VANCOUVER – Sexy, muscular tragedy struck today as local man Harrison White choked on a piece of locally-sourced, environmentally conscious hamburger. His rippling abs prevented the Heimlic…
Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear
DIDSBURY, AB – A local sex shop is updating its inventory in an effort to meet the demands of modern lifestyle trends. Melanie Ortassia, manager of the popular adult store “Sex, Drugs, and …
Thirst trap liked by relatives
STEINBACH, MB – After posting a sexually alluring photo to his Instagram account in hopes of gaining the attention of his peers, 24 year old Peter Goertzen was disappointed to discover that…
Prince’s estate sues Trump for using his music at criminally unsexy political rallies
WASHINGTON, DC – This week, representatives of Prince ordered Donald Trump to immediately cease use of the deceased pop star’s funky, stimulating grooves at rallies that were described as “patent…
How to shed your sunburnt skin like a sexy little snake
Summer is s-s-sizzlin’ this year with many a heatwave warning! If you spent some time soaking up the sun this past weekend or if you have plans to crisp up that epidermis next weekend, here’s how…