CORNWALL, ON – Passengers repatriated from the Diamond Princess cruise ship arrived in Cornwall this morning, though many experts worry that the quarantined passengers are not being properl…
Tag: Ryan Gosling
Ryans Gosling and Reynolds accidentally go to each other’s homes after Golden Globes
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After attending Golden Globes in Los Angeles, two Hollywood hunks, Ryans Gosling and Reynolds, inadvertently went home to each other’s houses after the lavish event. The Can…
US imposes 300% duty on Ryans, accuses Canada of handsomeness dumping
WASHINGTON, D.C. – NAFTA talks took another nasty turn as the U.S. Commerce Department announced an immediate 300% tariff on all Ryans imported from Canada. “The United States remains committed t…
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t…
Local man dumped for Ryan Gosling .gif
TIMMINS, ON – Timmins resident, Gary Ramsey, was dumped by his girlfriend of 10 months after she found a superior partner in an animated .gif of Ryan Gosling. “Amanda [Gehry] doesn’t know w…
TransCanada reaches out to teens with new Keystone bitumen halfpipe line
ALBERTA – In an attempt to win over the youthful protest groups throughout Canada and the USA, today the TransCanada Corporation announced a new massive halfpipe line and accompanying skate…
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are we lying about when trying to woo complete strangers for a date? 1. Won a Nobel Peace Prize 2. Legitimate child of Nelson Mandela 3. Only has one cat 4. Capable of asking someone out fac…
Marc Garneau blames defeat in Liberal Leadership race on Chris Hadfield
OTTAWA – Marc Garneau told reporters Monday that the reason he was not able to capture the public’s attention during his bid for Liberal leadership is because current International Space St…