KINGSTON, ON – Queen’s University has reached out to Elon Musk offering eight dollars a month to stop telling people he attended the higher learning institution. While the university …
Tag: kingston
Kingston residents shocked to discover terror plot not the fault of Queen’s students
KINGSTON – After a local teen was arrested on suspicion of a terrorist plot, residents were baffled to discover the incident had no apparent connection with Queen’s University or its students. “Y…
Elementary school kid looks forward to only wearing snow pants for the next 4 months
KINGSTON, ON — As the winter season kicks into full gear, Grade 4 student, Daniel Ready, is officially prepared to only dress in his snowpants for the next 4 months. “I love when my clothes…
“Possible hate crime” definitely actual hate crime
KINGSTON, ON — Police are investigating an incident outside a Walmart in Kingston that they have described as a “possible hate crime” despite it definitely being a real, actual hate crime. “It wa…
Environmentally conscious daredevil risks it all by purchasing one fewer grocery bag
KINGSTON — Stunning fellow customers and cashiers alike with his nerves of steel, local adrenaline junkie Todd Foster struck a blow for the environment this Thursday by only asking for 4 gr…
Community not sure about dentist who works from home
Kingston, ON – Community members are searching for a new dentist, now that Dr. Teske has started seeing patients exclusively in his at-home clinic. “Dr. Teske’s a good dentist, …
Kingston renamed Queen’s University Theme Park
KINGSTON – After years of struggling to hold Queen’s unending stream of young, white, and wealthy students accountable for disrespecting the city, Mayor Bryan Paterson surrendered today and…
Kingston man unable to repair home due to downed tree’s heritage status
KINGSTON, ON – A Kingstonian man has been unable to repair the damage to his home after a heritage-designated tree fell on top of it during a storm. The 223-year-old protected fir tree was …
Gritty Kingston Police horse transferred to desk duty while Internal Affairs investigates
KINGSTON – The Kingston Police horse known for bending rules and not taking any shit has been transferred to administrative duties while the Department’s Internal Affairs investigates her c…
Bank staff amused by charmingly bumbling robbery attempt, 14 dead
KINGSTON – Staff at a TD Bank branch in Kingston have described a recent robbery attempt committed by three adorably inept criminals as endearingly entertaining. 14 bystanders were killed in the …