TORONTO – As shopping malls and grocery stores switch to Christmas music and eager neighbours begin putting up decorations, local accountant Thomas Muncy has told reporters that he’s ejaculating …
Tag: Featured Post
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
Vaughan, ON – Members of the Braiden family are excited to have an entire day where nobody in the house is sick. “Usually October through April at least one of us will have a fever, s…
“Democrats better get their shit together before the 2028 election,” says adorable friend who thinks there’s going to be a 2028 election
Kincardine, ON – Local man Allan Terry has expressed his belief that the Democrats need to improve their messaging and policy efforts if they want to win the next Presidential election, cha…
Mystical ayahuasca experience concludes with survey for chance to win $25 Amazon gift card
SLOCAN, BC — Life coach Skye Morgan reported that the mystical healing experience she had at an ayahuasca retreat last weekend concluded with an unexpected element: a survey qualifying her to win…
“I can’t believe anyone would vote for Trump,” says smug Canadian man planning to vote for Poilievre
OTTAWA – A smug man from Canada wasted no time this morning chastising Americans for re-electing terrifying liar and felon Donald Trump, despite the fact that he plans to vote for terrifyin…
World holds its breath as North Carolina elects new agriculture commissioner
RALEIGH – Hundreds of millions of onlookers worldwide have turned their eyes to North Carolina, where international journalists have been embedded for weeks to report on every twist and turn of t…
Torontonians offer to let Doug Ford wear “Mayor” sash if he just leaves them alone
TORONTO – With Queen’s Park ordering the removal of the city’s bike lane infrastructure, an exasperated Toronto has offered to start calling Ontario Premier Doug Ford “Mayor”, thus satiating his …
Hobgoblin hob-nobs with non-hobgoblin goblins
NETHERWORLD – Noted hobgoblin-about-town Robin Redpath was spotted far from his regular domestic haunts cavorting with a retinue of goblins, scandalizing those who believe the two species s…
Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next year
OTTAWA – Yesterday Justin Trudeau made a bold commitment, announcing billions of dollars in funding for a massive government program to make Canadians lives better in some way, which Pierre…
Fall festival just summer festival with scarecrow
AIRDRIE – Airdrie’s annual Harvest Festival is clearly just the town’s annual Summer Carnival with some scarecrows and hay bales thrown in, according to underwhelmed sources. “Look, they crossed …
