TORONTO – Carrying on with his party’s plan to make every government office operate out of an American chain store, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that provincial parliament …
Tag: Featured Post
The 9 people that own all of Toronto’s real estate extremely upset about property tax hike
TORONTO – Reacting to news of Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow’s plan to hike property taxes by more than 10%, the 9 or so people that collectively own all Toronto real estate expressed outrage, s…
Fake hockey fan able to enjoy his team signing good players without conducting armchair salary cap analysis
TORONTO – After his team signed one of their best players to a long term contract extension, casual fan Matt Christenson celebrated without even performing his own detailed analysis of how …
Five people you hope are not on the Epstein list
NEW YORK CITY – Court documents from Ghislaine Maxwell’s case have been unsealed and reporters are poring through them to see who among the rich and famous will be revealed to have consorte…
Canadian Politicians New Year’s Resolutions
We asked the biggest names in Canadian politics what they hope to accomplish in the new year. Here is what they had to say:…
Old acquaintance accidentally forgot, never brought to mind
News in Photos (kinda). Happy New Year!…
Man uses remainder of year’s health benefits on half-a-dozen vasectomies
VICTORIA – Management consultant Howard Bear is using up the remainder of his yearly workplace medical benefits at his local vasectomy clinic, according to local sources. “I don’t really enjoy ac…
Study shows humans swallow average of 47,980 spiders a year each due to sample’s inclusion of Stanley, the Amazing Spider-Eating Maniac
CALGARY – The unprecedented finding in a recent scientific publication about the ingestion of arachnids by humans was discovered to be fundamentally flawed due to the inclusion of a well-known lu…
Man intent on reading 50 books this year really ploughing through the Goosebumps
CALGARY – According to friends and family, 37-year-old Jason Rowe is absolutely churning through Goosebumps books in a desperate attempt to hit his 2023 reading goal. “I told him 50 books was too…
Local cat discovers he’s adopted
Surrey, BC – Señor Peanut Justinian Handsome Pants the Great, a local orange tabby cat, just found out he was adopted. “I’m just devastated,” says Peanut, wiping away either a tear or a particula…
