TORONTO – In an surprise victory Etobicoke North incumbent Michael Ford has been defeated by an SUV that just hit a cyclist. “It’s been a tough race” stated Ford in his concession speech “b…
Tag: Featured Post
First-time eligible voter excited to make up first excuse for not voting
TORONTO – After turning eighteen over a week ago, Neal Furlong is anxiously looking forward to the upcoming election so he can lie about why he didn’t vote for the very first time in his li…
Dozens die in cannabis legalization joke overdoses
OTTAWA – Dozens of Canadians are reportedly dead and thousands of others have been hospitalized after consuming a deadly amount of cannabis-related jokes immediately after pot became legal.…
Please keep paying attention to me
By: Stephen Harper, former Prime Minister of Canada You likely heard some news stories about me recently. You might have heard that I think Canada’s pandemic spending is overkill. Or that I…
Ontario PCs warn dealing pot could land you 4 years in Queens Park
TORONTO – With the imminent legalization of pot next week, Ontario’s provincial government has released new ads warning that illegal sales of pot could land them four years as a Premier. “T…
NRA announces appropriate time to discuss gun control was just then and now it’s gone
Fairfax, Virginia – The National Rifle Association announced that the appropriate time to discuss gun control had finally arrived. The moment came at exactly 6:45 ET this morning and lasted…
Don Cherry woken from cryosleep as NHL season kicks off
TORONTO – As puck drop on the 2018-2019 NHL season approaches, and the first Hockey Night in Canada only days away, CBC employees completed their annual duty of waking Don Cherry from the c…
Trade war over: Remembering our brave economists
OTTAWA – With the great macroeconomic conflict that pitted Canada against its American foe all but over, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau marked the occasion to remember the veterans of Canada…
Lindsey Graham demands FBI investigation into whether sexual assault even that big a deal
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the FBI begins its investigation of sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, Senator Lindsay Graham has called for an investigation int…
Experts warn new NAFTA deal could put thousands of op-ed writers out of work
OTTAWA – As the Trudeau government celebrated saving the country’s free trade deal with America and Mexico, experts were already warning that the renewed agreement could devastate the burge…
