OTTAWA – Following their shockingly quick acceptance of Saudi teen Rahaf Mohammed al-Qunun’s refugee claim, the Trudeau government has officially amended Canada’s refugee intake questionnai…
Tag: Featured Post
CTV orders Beaverton ‘Year In Review’ NYE Special to put final nail in 2018’s coffin
TORONTO – As part of their plan to say good bye and good riddance to 2018, The Beaverton will air a One Hour New Year’s Eve Special on CTV at 10pm EST. “Unless we spend an hour …
Preview: ‘The Beaverton Year In Review 2018’ December 31 On CTV
If Miguel and Emma can get a word in.…
Trudeau instructs Canadarm to extend middle finger every time it orbits over Alberta
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 12, 1981 143 KM ABOVE THE EARTH – In a move that has furthe…
Preview: ‘The Beaverton Ruins Your Holidays Special’ December 20 On CTV
Get into the holiday spirit, by having it ruined.…
The Beaverton finally given hour-long CTV special to take on its greatest foe: Christmas
TORONTO – After years spent taking on lesser enemies like the media and the concept of telling the truth, Canada’s satirical news empire The Beaverton has finally convinced CTV to give it one hou…
Local man finds creeping fascism much easier to ignore than he expected
NEW YORK — Despite living in an age of xenophobia, attacks on the free press and political corruption, office manager David Newton is finding that fascism is much easier to ignore than he previou…
New winter boots promise to make your feet either extremely hot or a little wet
TORONTO – Boot manufacturers throughout Canada have finally given up and announced that all boots bought for winter 2019 will either make your feet uncomfortably hot or a little wet. “Have …
Doug Ford won’t stop taping ‘Mayor Of Toronto’ sign on office door
TORONTO – Despite being removed every night by janitorial staff, Doug Ford continues to tape a handwritten sign on his office door that reads ‘Mayor of Toronto.’ “At first I thought it was …
Taco Bell introduces Cheesy Gordita Trough
Irvine, CA – Building on some of their most popular menu items and the basest instincts of their customers, Taco Bell unveiled their newest menu item, the Cheesy Gordita Trough. “We took th…
