TORONTO – After coronavirus has resulted in the TTC having it’s daily ridership cut in half, TTC employees have reported that they deeply miss the feeling of inconveniencing a million peopl…
Tag: Featured Post
Report: your screen time was down 9% from last week for an average of 14 hours a day
OTTAWA – After spending 16 hours and 15 minutes per day on your phone last week early reports from your iPhone screen time alert indicate that number is down to a marginally less alarming 1…
As U.S. celebrates 155 years since end of slavery, Canada celebrates 153 years of pretending we never had slavery
OTTAWA – Yesterday the U.S. commemorated Juneteenth, the day widely regarded as marking the official end of slavery in the U.S., and today Canada is preparing to celebrate our 153rd straigh…
Police baffled why public turned on them after countless murders
NASHVILLE – Police officers across North America are scared and confused by the feeling that public opinion has turned against them for no reason other than the countless unpunished murders…
Trudeau ends arrests for CERB fraud after discovering money is being hidden in foreign tax havens
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau has ended his investigation into CERB fraud after his government discovered the money stolen is being hidden in foreign tax havens. The investigation began when the …
Ontario Suburbanites urge province to allow social bubbles big enough for decent orgy
ONTARIO- Despite the Ontario government now permitting social gatherings of up to ten people, many in the suburbs are requesting the number be increased in order to enable worthwhile orgies. “You…
After careful deliberation, local man ready to deliver opinion no one asked for on Black Lives Matter movement
Morden, MB – Local man Henry Gittner has finally answered the non-existent calls for him to provide his opinion on the Black Lives Matter movement and police brutality by writing a lengthy …
Government urges Canadians worried about maxing out CERB payments to become police officers, get suspended with pay
OTTAWA — With Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) payments set to end for many Canadians, the government is encouraging anyone with financial concerns to get hired as a police officer, engag…
Maple Leaf Foods unveils new burger that’s 99% plant protein, 1% giant panda
Mississauga, ON – After successfully launching the 50/50 burger, a patty that is 50% animal protein and 50% plants, Maple Leaf Foods has unveiled their new creation: the 99, a burger that i…
Droves of desperate people breaking into closed libraries to get hit of book smell
VANCOUVER – Months after libraries closed to the public in order to help stop the spread of COVID-19, librarians are sounding the alarm about increasing waves of break-ins caused by people …
