MONTREAL – Local man Desmond Burns spent last night camped out in front of his local hospital in order to ensure he got the first COVID test. “My parents always told me stories about …
Tag: Featured Post
Straw man is idiot
By conservative voice of reason Dan Stapleton There’s a lot of pearl clutching by the ultra-liberal left about my supposedly controversial opinions, but it only takes a little bit of fact checkin…
Scientists confused, concerned after local man finishes spring mix salad pack before it gets gross
Thunder Bay, ON – Researchers at Lakehead University are baffled and more than a little distressed after discovering that local man Hunter Braddock finished an entire Spring Mix Salad packa…
“The extra C stands for Canada,” says newly christened Cconservative Party
OTTAWA – Canada’s official opposition party has unveiled a new logo and a new name to go with it, and are proudly inviting Canadians to say hello to the new Cconservatives. “We’re putting C…
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
B.C. NDP celebrate low COVID numbers by gathering large amounts of people indoors to vote
VICTORIA – B.C. Premier John Horgan has been riding a wave of good poll numbers due in no small part to the success B.C. has had keeping coronavirus infections in the province down, and the…
EDITORIAL: Sick teachers are a small price to pay to get me the hell away from the horrible kids I made by choice
By Liz Peterson There’s been a lot of fuss made about kids going back to school during coronavirus. Every mommy blogger under the sun has been ‘gramming about “too soon” this and “superspreader e…
Local friends get engaged just to spite you
OTTAWA – Your friends Daryl Hoover and Cheyenne Klein, who have spent all quarantine posting pictures of each other on social media, have decided to get engaged as a vengeful move against y…
Retired thief concerned window is closing for one last heist
LAS VEGAS – After quietly retiring five years ago, Doug “Quick-Fingers” Malone, a once-renowned thief known for being a part of numerous infamous robberies and heists, is beginning to worry that …
Leaked documents reveal Trump met with West Coast wildfire in early July
Washington, D.C. – Recently leaked documents from the White House reveal President Donald Trump had a secret meeting with the deadly wildfires currently burning across the west coast of Nor…
