TORONTO – With a lockdown looming Monday Torontonians have flooded malls and non-essential retail shops in order to stock up on needed COVID exposure. “I know grocery stores, pharmaci…
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Alberta doesn’t understand why it needs a mask mandate if the provinces around it have mask mandates
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta is relieved that since B.C. and Saskatchewan have finally implemented long-awaited mask mandates to help stop the spread of COVID-19, Alberta can now av…
Trudeau: If Canadians keep us in power for thirty more years, we promise to eventually do something about the environment
OTTAWA – The Liberal government has tabled their new Net-Zero Emissions Accountability Act in the House of Commons, finally coming through on their often cited election promise to do someth…
Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected
WASHINGTON D.C. – The current attempt by Donald Trump and his Republican allies to subvert the will of the people and remain in power is, according to international observers, “way st…
30 year old uses same tone telling toddler not to eat lego as she does telling parents not to go on cruise
Kincardine, ON – Mona Lee has found herself repeatedly using the same patient but exasperated tone explaining why her toddler shouldn’t eat things that will kill him as she does when …
Andrew Scheer officially passes John A. Macdonald as best grifter in Parliament history
OTTAWA – With news that he used taxpayer money to employ multiple family members former Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer has finally passed Canada’s first PM, John A. Macdonald…
Doug Ford insists he will not hesitate to shut things down if he hears of any bad COVID news
TORONTO – Doug Ford has remained steadfast in his claim that if there is a single sign of trouble in regards to COVID, he will shut everything down. “Oh, you don’t want to know how willing …
Health Canada convenes emergency press conference to declare you’re doing quarantine wrong
OTTAWA – At a special press conference Health Canada officials, doctors and scientists came together to declare their finding that you specifically are doing quarantine wrong. “As the…
Rising COVID case numbers risk killing vibe at house party
VANCOUVER – Rising COVID-19 case numbers across the country have led to an increased risk of killing the vibe at an otherwise pretty lit house party, according to several partying sources. …
Biden wins election nine days after winning election
ATLANTA, GA – After final vote tallies from Arizona and Georgia, Joe Biden has won the U.S. presidential election only nine days after winning the U.S. presidential election. With a total o…
