TORONTO – Local man Charlie Denison has expressed his opinion that the second wave of COVID will not be as bad as everyone fears, and he can continue doing the activities that will be a dir…
Tag: COVID
Woman reports home yoga not the same when person’s butt not in face
NEW BRUNSWICK – Local woman, and self-identified yogi, Marsha Fellows, has reported that home yoga is just not the same when there isn’t a fellow patron’s butt in her face. “It just feels d…
Toronto police warn those breaking quarantine will be issued a stern selfie
TORONTO – Toronto Police Services are issuing a warning to those violating mandatory quarantine rules or breaking other public health laws to combat the spread of COVID-19: you will get a s…
Torontonians hope cold weather flattens curve of shitty outdoor stand-up comedians
TORONTO – The closure of comedy venues across the city this summer due to the coronavirus has caused an outbreak of Toronto’s shittiest and most offensive comedians to spread outside into public …
Local man camps out overnight to be first in line for COVID test
MONTREAL – Local man Desmond Burns spent last night camped out in front of his local hospital in order to ensure he got the first COVID test. “My parents always told me stories about …
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
Local man vows to get even less done during second wave of COVID
TORONTO – Local man Todd Walters has made a resolution that should the COVID-19 virus force him into quarantine again, he will accomplish even less with the extra time off. “After I went ba…
Canadian in line for COVID test recovers from virus by time he gets to the front
TORONTO – After waking up with mild flu-like symptoms a month ago, Peter Miller went to stand in line outside of Toronto Western Hospital to get tested for COVID. As of this morning, he happily a…
EDITORIAL: Sick teachers are a small price to pay to get me the hell away from the horrible kids I made by choice
By Liz Peterson There’s been a lot of fuss made about kids going back to school during coronavirus. Every mommy blogger under the sun has been ‘gramming about “too soon” this and “superspreader e…
Ford announces all large weddings must now take place in classrooms
TORONTO – Amid concerns over rising coronavirus cases in Ontario, Doug Ford tightened social gathering limits in hotspot areas in order to stem the spread of the virus. As a result of the new num…
