WASHINGTON – After testing positive for COVID-19, an irate U.S. President Donald Trump called Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday morning to tell him that the Russian-made vaccine he was g…
Tag: covid-19
Global security threat infects global security threat
WASHINGTON – A dangerous threat to global stability and human health announced he has contracted a dangerous threat to global stability and human health. The deadly pair have ruined nationa…
Toronto police warn those breaking quarantine will be issued a stern selfie
TORONTO – Toronto Police Services are issuing a warning to those violating mandatory quarantine rules or breaking other public health laws to combat the spread of COVID-19: you will get a s…
Ontario, Quebec temporarily granted US statehood so Canadians don’t look bad due to COVID-19 cases
TORONTO, USA – The provinces of Ontario and Quebec are now temporarily part of the United States to save Canada’s moral superiority on its response to the coronavirus. The quick save face w…
Egregious: Health Canada refuses to approve Dr. Cornelius Phineus Jedidiah’s Magic COVID Elixir
OTTAWA – Despite the continued threat of a pandemic, Health Canada continues to refuse Dr. Cornelius Phineas Jedidah’s Magic COVID Elixir as an approved drug. “Those bureaucrats don’t want …
Premier Ford injures hands from repetitive finger-wagging
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford was sent to the emergency room after injuring both hands from repetitive finger-wagging during a recent COVID-19 press conference. Ford’s two index finge…
Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest
MIAMI – Amid spiking COVID-19 figures in the United States, experts have determined that the source of a recent outbreak was a Coronavirus eating contest from two weeks ago. “We suspect that Chuc…
Ford scolds people for irresponsibly following rules he set
QUEEN’S PARK – With a recent uptick in Covid 19 cases in the Toronto, Peel and Ottawa regions, Doug Ford has called on Ontarians to take all possible precautions, to keep indoor gathe…
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
KINGSTON – A group of Queen’s University students are setting the record straight declaring that their campus-wide outbreak of COVID-19 will be way better than the University of Western Ont…
Study: indoor dining significantly increases risk of servers spitting in your food
OTTAWA – Health Canada has released a study indicating that indoor restaurant dining, particularly in high COVID infection areas, substantially increases the likelihood of servers hocking a big f…