WINDSOR — Local cat Furvel Mittenpaws has sent shockwaves through the Watson household after deliberately knocking over the family’s swear jar in an act of pure malice. “That son of a bitch knew …
Tag: cats
Cat watching you scoop litter box with quiet authority of tiny feudal lord
TIMMINS, ON — Upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a scoop dig into a wet clump of litter, three-year-old Muffins Fitzwilliam has climbed atop his cat tree to look down upon you with the quiet,…
Local vet boops a third of your savings account after routine check-up
NAPANEE – A recent trip to the vet has drained hundreds of absolute units from your bank account after it was confirmed your furbaby was in perfect health. The vet was heckin’ thrilled to …
Sleeping cat literally has no idea how clue how close it is to nuclear annihilation
LUNENBURG, NS – Despite tensions increasing across the globe as Russian president Vladimir Putin again promised swift retaliation and total nuclear annihilation should NATO forces intervene…
REPORT: toe beans an excellent source of Vitamin EEEEEEE
GUELPH, ON – Researchers at the Ontario Veterinary College have published a paper containing a groundbreaking discovery: toe beans are an excellent source of Vitamin EEEEEEE. The researchers made…
Top 2 things to do with your cat this Valentine’s day
Finding yourself alone yet again on Valentine’s day? With no one to share the special day with, except that cat you agreed to adopt when your roommate moved to Montreal? Not to worry, The Beavert…
Breaking: Cat apparently eats flowers now
REGINA, SK – Household sources are reporting that, as of 8pm last evening, the cat apparently likes to eat decorative flowers now. This stunning feline development was first witnessed by ca…
Local woman says cat helped bake muffins even though cat just sat there and did fuck all
PICKERING, ON – Maci Livingston, a 28-year-old programmer recently made home-made muffins for a small get-together she was having, claiming her cat Pumpkin, 2, helped bake them despite the …
Wow! This cat detected his owner’s undiagnosed cancer and isn’t going to do anything about it
Me-Wow! When four-year-old cat Miles noticed his owner’s pallid skin and increasingly sluggish behaviour, he immediately clocked the Stage I carcinoma slowly growing in owner Sophia Reinhart̵…