‘Just leave the report by my taser’ says RCMP to Human Rights Watch
OTTAWA – RCMP instructed Human Rights Watch to leave a damning report on abuse allegations of Aboriginal girls and women on the desk of the Duty Officer beside his taser. “Yeah, we’ll look at it …
Even Gary Oldman’s family not quite sure what he really looks like
LOS ANGELES – Tensions have risen in the household of thespian Gary Oldman, after his wife and children realized last week that they could not offer a solid description of the Mr. Oldman’s …
UPDATE: Pope resigns to spend more time with kids
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced his intention to resign from the Papacy on Sunday, and sources close to the Pope are saying he’s excited to spend more time with kids. “He’s got a lot o…
Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
In response to Ontario, Alberta elects first openly bigoted premier
EDMONTON – The province of Alberta has responded to the news of Ontario’s recently elected openly gay premier two weeks ago by making history of their own with the election of Canada’s firs…
Brazeau assault first thing a Senator has done in years
OTTAWA – Senator Patrick Brazeau’s recent arrest for domestic assault has shocked the country and caused his ejection from the Conservative caucus. But it has caused perhaps the most outrage in t…
Jian Ghomeshi runs out of things to rhyme with ‘Q’
TORONTO – After almost 7 years on the air, Jian Ghomeshi, host of Q, Canada’s most popular arts and culture radio show on CBC Radio 1, ran out of words that sound like ‘Q’ on Monday, making…
Old black man doesn’t know as much about Jazz as hoped
STRATFORD, ON – Local graphic designer Stephen Sinclair entered Tully’s Coffee Shop on Thursday afternoon and was delighted to encounter Luther Griffin Jr., an 83 year old black man i…
York U plan to end violence against women on campus: stop admitting female students
TORONTO – In response to a rash of violent sexual assaults against women students at York University’s Keele Campus in 2012, the school’s President Mamdouh Shoukri claims the institution ha…
