Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader …
University of Waterloo: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Waterloo Nickname: Ol’ Lotta Geese Motto: 01100101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 0010000…
Justice Minister Peter MacKay admits to not fully understanding Canadian ‘legal thingy’
New Glasgow, NS – Justice Minister Peter MacKay faced a “surprisingly difficult and uncomfortable” line of questioning concerning the Canadian legal system while visiting Mrs. MacDonald’s grade f…
Dr. Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers: University Reviews 2013
Name: Doctor Abraxas’ University for Students Who Definitely Don’t Have Mutant Powers Nickname: Ol’ Normal Motto: “It is just a coincidence that government agents develop headaches when they get …
Carleton University: University Reviews 2013
Name: Carleton University Nickname: Ol’ Cemented and Demented Motto: The “K” Stands for “Quality” History: Founded in 1942, it is said that Carleton was originally built to hide an enormous, sub…
Thousand monkeys fill thousand typewriters with poop
MONTREAL – Sealed in the “Monkey Chamber” beneath Redpath library, the thousand monkeys tasked with creating the next great work of English literature have succeeded only in filling their t…
CN: Train drivers just too ahead of the curve for old fashioned tracks
CALGARY – CN has declared that the recent spate of train derailments stem from the overtraining and high talent level of the drivers. “Part of the problem is our train conductors are …
NHL bans concussions
TORONTO – In response to the number of severe head injuries professional hockey players have suffered in recent years, the National Hockey League has banned all players from getting concuss…
Middle-aged white guys economic champions for the 1153rd consecutive year
WASHINGTON – The IMF has released its annual economic winners and losers list and the reigning champions, the middle-aged white male demographic, have topped the list for the 1153rd year in…
Mayor Ford officially ruins sex
TORONTO – Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford ruined intercourse for thousands of Torontonians today when he implanted the image of him passionately engaging in cunnilingus in their minds fore…
