Baird threatens to send adrift Canadian warship in Russia’s general direction
KYIV – Foreign Minister John Baird has threatened to deploy the adrift warship HMCS Protecteur in the general direction of Russian waters if Russia does not pull its troops out of the Crime…
Ukraine Crisis: NATO ready to flex its letter writing muscle
BRUSSELS – The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has mobilized 30,000 troops from European alliance ready to engage in a full scale letter writing campaign in the event of an armed conflic…
Unbelievably cool 19-year-old names pet kitten Kerouac
TORONTO – Sources close to thoughtful, highly literate, yet whimsical 19-year-old Kyle Wendcott alerted press yesterday that in a characteristically tasteful move, he has named his new pet …
Employee improves net earnings by using less effort per hour
KING CITY, ON – With the likelihood of an increase in minimum wage diminishing with each passing increase in the cost of living, one man is bucking this trend by working less to increase hi…
Trudeau gaffes on son’s birth certificate adding ‘H’ to Adrian
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau is proudly celebrating the arrival of his third child by misspelling the poor newborn’s name on the birth certificate. “It was a joke” explained an amused Trudeau. “I thou…
Quebec’s Language Police fines anglophone family for writing ‘Toronto’ in English on moving boxes
MONTREAL – The Miller family’s flight from Quebec’s increasingly stringent language laws hit a snag on Thursday when the province’s language police fined them $3,000 for writing Toronto in …
Rob Ford dares Police Chief to arrest him before he poisons the Gotham reservoir
TORONTO – At a press conference, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford challenged Police Chief Bill Blair to apprehend him before he could carry out “yet another fiendishly wicked stroke of criminal genius”, an…
Cannibal angry about lack of humanitarian options on menu
OTTAWA – After being refused human meat at a local restaurant, neighbourhood cannibal Frank Willis is charging that nearby eateries are discriminating against a lifestyle choice that emphas…
PMO showcases free lunch program for disadvantaged staffers, cabinet ministers
OTTAWA – The Harper government is demonstrating its profound empathy for the disenfranchised political class with a $68,000 lunch program for disadvantaged PMO staff and cabinet ministers. “It’s …
