Local family forced to euthanize talking snowman
BURLINGTON, ON – With spring coming on, Burlington’s Coates family has no choice but to put Mr. Snowglobe, the magical talking snowman they accidentally brought to life earlier this season,…
Local man’s nipples didn’t turn out the way that he’d hoped
YELLOWKNIFE, NWT – With differences in both puffiness and colouration from what he had thought they would be like, the nipples of local man Eric Willems have failed to live up to his expect…
Robin Thicke’s Juno dancers replaced by women’s Olympic curling team
WINNIPEG – Amid the controversy over Robin Thicke’s performance tonight at the Juno’s, organizers have decided Thicke’s scantily-clad back up dancers will be replaced by Team Jones, the Can…
Popular hipster cafe ironically serving instant coffee
MONTREAL – Recently opened hipster cafe “The Twig” is making a name for itself by serving “nostalgic” instant coffee complete with white refined sugar and powdered c…
Parents hire better looking kids for family photo
MONCTON, NB – Despite having a son and a daughter of their own, local parents Bill and Tammy Hampshire say they prefer using professional child actors for their family photo shoots. “Tabath…
Ontario Liberals on deleted hard drives: ‘My finger accidentally slipped a few thousand times’
TORONTO – In response to an ongoing police investigation into the cancellation of two gas power plant costing $1.1 billion, a former high ranking staffers within the Premier’s office claime…
First robin of Spring almost completely unfrozen
SUDBURY, ON – A robin has been sighted in Chelmsford park, almost entirely free of ice. As any Canadian knows, the emergence of the robin from its annual cryogenic cycle is a sure sign that…
Bob Rae strums on Banjo down by old fishin’ hole.
ARNPRIOR, ON – Former leader of the Federal Liberal Party Bob Rae sat down by Gomper’s pond and strummed on his old banjo, sources reported late Monday afternoon. Ontario’s twen…
Genghis Khan polling strongly in Toronto mayoral election
TORONTO – Following yesterday’s debate, polls are showing that Genghis Khan, outsider candidate and butcher of an estimated 80 million human beings, is leading the race to become Toronto’s …
