In hindsight to our impending extinction, we probably should have tried a little harder
By: A Northern White Rhinoceros As certain extinction closes in on myself and my subspecies, I, Mark the Northern White Rhinoceros, one of the two remaining Northern White Rhinoceroses on the pla…
‘Mother Canada’ statue to commemorate memory of veteran services, pensions
INGONISH – Parks Canada is set to begin construction on a 10 storey high statue along the Cabot Trail to commemorate the memory of Canada’s services and pensions for veterans The $60 millio…
Newspaper finds award it won to be very newsworthy
TORONTO – After winning the Stephen Glass award for excellence in journalistic integrity, the Toronto Star has determined the news of the award being granted merited a front page, above the…
Alison Redford steps down as Alberta Premier, replaced by barrel of crude oil
EDMONTON – Following the surprise resignation of Premier Redford, the Alberta PC party has proudly announced that her replacement would be a 159L drum of pure petrol. “When you get right do…
Harper declares Afghanistan mission a success with opium economy fully recovered
OTTAWA – With the return of the last Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan, Harper declared an economic victory now that the country’s opium economy has fully recovered. “Canada would like to re…
Brett Favre says he was the best Brett Favre to ever Brett Favre a Brett Favre
MADISON – World famous Wrangler jeans model, text message enthusiast, and former professional football player Brett Favre, has made a public statement saying he was the best Brett Favre to …
Flaherty resignation creates Economic Action Plan’s first job
OTTAWA – Canada’s Economic Action Plan, which cost $60 billion of the past five years, created its first job opening today when Finance Minister Jim Flaherty resigned. Flaherty explained th…
Revelers celebrate Irish holiday with American music, Mexican food
CANADA – Party goers across the country are marking the holiday dedicated to the patron saint of Ireland by enjoying food, drink, and activities that do not originate from the island of rou…
Little Caesar’s hosts blood drive on Ides of March
DETROIT – In a show of corporate and community involvement, the Little Caesar’s pizza chain in Detroit will be hosting blood drives during the Ides of March. “Anyone who comes in during the Ides …
Poll: Fewer Canadians plan on living after retirement
OTTAWA – A new Environics poll indicated that fewer Canadians are expecting to live after they retire from their jobs. 47% of Canadians responded that they have little or no hope that they …
