I’m not the fucking Science Guy, you fucks
BY BILL NIGHY Every time I tell them my name at Starbucks, the cashier seems to feel the need to ask me, “Oh, like the science guy?” Ha ha. Well. Take a good fucking look at my last name you shit…
Man breaks up with girlfriend to avoid buying tampons
MONCTON – After she requested that he pick up some tampons on his way home, local man Christopher Brunel has broken up with his girlfriend of 11 months. “At first, I was actually kind of ex…
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Name: OCAD University Nickname: The Jenga of Universities Motto: “You can’t put a price on art. Wait, yes you can, it’s $6,000 a semester” History: OCAD University was originally founded as the …
CBC cuts force Radio 2 to just play a loon’s call on repeat
TORONTO – Due to the $130 million cuts to Canada’s national public broadcaster this year, CBC’s Radio 2 has been forced to reduce its broadcast to playing the call of a loon on repeat durin…
Air Canada admits it dropped the bag on luggage handling
SAINT-LAURENT, QC – Air Canada responded to a video of its passengers’ carry-on bags being tossed off the end of a jetway by admitting on Tuesday that they had dropped the bag on luggage ha…
Montreal police ready for Habs victory by pouring gasoline on cars
MONTREAL – In anticipation of a Canadiens victory against the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight, Montreal Police are preparing for an onslaught of overzealous and violent fans by dumping gasoline…
Report: Girlfriend still crying
A new report from behind the bathroom door has confirmed that yes, your girlfriend is still crying because of that thing you know you said and no, she won’t be stopping anytime soon. Confidential…
Christians celebrate sacred resurrection of church attendance
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Millions of Christians across the world from all sects are celebrating the miraculous resurrection of church attendance today. Pews were packed with the reluctant faithf…
Local woman walks to gym to walk on treadmill
HAMILTON – A 55 year-old local woman has been taking regular outdoor walks to the gym so she can walk on a treadmill. Margaret Antonin strolls nearly two kilometers to her local GoodLife gy…
