Lost tribes of Amazon now ordering from Amazon

ENVIRA RIVER, BRAZIL — In a statement yesterday, representatives from the Ashaninka tribe located in a remote region of the Amazon rainforest announced to reporters that they had begun ordering i…

Harper tells Putin to ‘get out of Ukraine’

At the G20 Conference in Australia last weekend, Prime Minister Harper had a brief showdown with Russian President Vladimir Putin, telling him to “Get out of Ukraine.” What’s your say?   “So…

Saskatchewan newlyweds fined for not wearing Roughriders jerseys in wedding photos

CARNDUFF, SK – Newlyweds Aimee and Nigel Toupin received a hefty fine from the provincial government this week for not wearing Saskatchewan Roughriders jerseys in any of their wedding photo…

Harper lights ceremonial tire fire at annual Chinese pollution festival

BEIJING – After being praised for his commitment to environmental catastrophe, Stephen Harper kicked the annual Festival of the Polluted Moon off by throwing a bag of flaming garbage into a…

Parents throw jerseys onto ice frustrated with struggling Timbits hockey team

PARRY SOUND – A struggling amateur hockey team for five and six year-olds has been dealt another blow after their disillusioned parents began throwing their Timbits fan jerseys onto the ice…

Leader of rat colony disgusted by TTC overcrowding

TORONTO – After being displaced by the continuing construction work at Toronto’s Union station, the leader of Ontario’s largest rat colony today expressed his disgust at the current level o…

Government to punish fake soldier by treating him like a real veteran

OTTAWA – After posing as a fake Canadian Forces soldier, DND and Veterans Affairs have decided the impostor’s punishment should be to endure the poor treatment they inflict on a real Canadi…

Everything fixed after Canadian forces in Iraq for 2 months

BAGHDAD – Despite worries from opposition leaders and high-ranking military officers that the mission would spiral well beyond its initial timeframe, the presence of Canadian special forces…

MPs reassure female staffers with playful open-handed pat on the behind

OTTAWA – Following sexual harassment allegations against two Liberal MPs and subsequent questions over the House of Commons’ lack of protocol to deal with them, male MPs made sure to reassu…

Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’

NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…