US considers decriminalizing blackness in wake of Missouri shootings
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The recent surge in civil unrest following the shooting of an unarmed black teenager by police in Ferguson, Missouri has U.S. lawmakers contemplating the decriminalization of b…
Kevin O’Leary eager to start unpaid internship at BNN
TORONTO – Canadian business magnate and television personality Kevin O’Leary is looking forward to beginning his internship at Business News Network next week. “I’m just so excited to have …
Auditor reveals Alison Redford spent over $70,000.00 in taxpayer money on her resignation letter
CALGARY – An addendum to the damming report of the Auditor General of Alberta on former Premier Alison Redford’s expenses has revealed that, in addition to the malfeasance that drove her fr…
Dynamic businessman outsources his extra-marital affairs
VANCOUVER – A local executive has developed an innovative way to be unfaithful to his wife by contracting out extra-marital affairs to a third party located offshore. “Frankly, I found chea…
UPDATE: Justin Trudeau autobiography just 340 full-page photos of Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – With the 2015 elections fast approaching, Justin Trudeau is preparing to release a meditative, compelling autobiography composed entirely of photographs of the Liberal party leader…
HitchBOT wanted for several murders on Trans-Canada highway
WINNIPEG – The RCMP is looking for a hitchhiking robot believed to be responsible for several killings along the Trans-Canada highway from Nova Scotia to BC. HitchBOT – also known as …
Justin Trudeau autobiography spends 70 pages on hair care products
OTTAWA – With the release of Justin Trudeau’s biography just around the corner, early readers have been surprised by the Liberal leader’s honest, lengthy, and exclusive discussion of hair p…
English teacher in critical condition after splitting her infinitive
TORONTO – Lois deWitt, a Toronto-area English teacher, is in critical condition after she separated her infinitive this past week. “To tear your infinitive, when not a trained professional…
August 9th, 1876 – Desperate Alexander Graham Bell waits all day for woman to call him back
BRANTFORD – Intrepid scientist and inventor Alexander Graham Bell has patiently waited by his newly invented electric telephone for a very critical phone call with a lady he was fraternizin…
