Expectant father just hoping for ten fingers, ten toes, one penis
FLIN FLON, MB – When local father-to-be Ron Martin was asked whether he was hoping for a boy or a girl, he gave his standard response. “I only want it to be healthy,” he said in a recent in…
Rachel Notley caught in yet another scandal
Beleaguered Alberta premier Rachel Notley has been accused of even more misconduct. The Beaverton‘s Laura Cilevitz travelled to Calgary to speak with a number of outraged Albertans.…
After record ratings, CNN renews 2016 U.S. election for second season
ATLANTA – Only one day before the season finale CNN has announced it is renewing the 2016 presidential election for a second season in 2017. “Although American Democracy has been a tv insti…
Pizza Hut unveils pizza stuffed with better company’s pizza
VAUGHAN, ON – After months of speculation by industry insiders and the public alike, Pizza Hut debuted its latest menu item this week, a pizza stuffed with a better company’s pizza. “The ne…
US, world holds its breath with uncertain Yukon election results
WHITEHORSE – With the outcome far from certain in the Yukon territorial election on November 7th, other nations across the globe have been increasingly anxious about who will become Premier…
Labour market experts say precariously employed youth should consider organ trade
OTTAWA — Labour market experts are advising precariously employed youth to look into alternative streams of income such as the illegal international organ trade to ensure they enjoy a similar lev…
Manitoba acquires the good parts of Minneapolis
WINNIPEG – The Manitoba government has acquired the nicer areas of Minneapolis for roughly $3 billion US. Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister made the announcement of the land purchase from th…
Breaking: Dave starts 4th attempt at moustache
WINNIPEG – Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Dave is trying to grow a moustache again. Although initial reports were mixed upon further inspection of photographic evidence, experts a…
Beaverton Sports Network: How Will the Leafs Ruin Auston Matthews?
Meet the boys of the Beaverton Sports Network as they show you huge hits, sweet snipes, and a deep, uncompromising affection for one another. Today they debate the question we all have bee…
Ontario PCs confident they can somehow squander bribery charges against top Ontario Liberals
TORONTO – Ontario’s Progressive Conservative Party officials announced today that they are optimistic they can torpedo any chance of gaining popularity among Ontarians despite bribery charg…
