Toronto launches own ‘Sorry’ tourism campaign for stealing Montreal’s cultural relevance

TORONTO – Inspired by the refreshing desperation of Montreal’s 375th anniversary “Sorry” tourism campaign, the city of Toronto has released its own series of “Sorry” ads, aimed at apologizing to …

TTC’s scented holiday candles let riders gift the smell of urine soaked grime

TORONTO – The Toronto Transit Commission is ringing in the holiday season with the release of the Bloor-Young scented candle that gives riders the opportunity to take home the urine soaked …

Report: Millions of Canadians pretending to know who Viola Desmond was

OTTAWA – Early reports suggest that many Canadians are pretending they were familiar with Viola Desmond’s significance in history after the federal government announced her face will be fea…

Could the ‘gritty’ Anne of Green Gables movie be bigger than Star Wars?

  The Canadian film industry’s attempt to copy the successful movie universes of Marvel and Star Wars has found the perfect subject matter: Anne of Green Gables.…

Quiz: Are you an alcoholic or a real fun party dude?

Alcoholism is a terrible disease that destroys families and kills millions every year. Take this quiz to find out if you are an alcoholic or a real fun party dude. Sources Beer bottles Drunk Guy …

Electoral Reform Primer: First Past The Post

Overview: First Past The Post, often abbreviated as FPP, 1PTP, FPTP, or KILLME, is the electoral system Canada currently uses. FPTP is the 2005 Honda Civic of electoral systems. Nobody really wan…

Forgetful anarchist accidentally sets fire to own car

MONTREAL — An inattentive member of an anti-gentrification gang accidentally set her own car ablaze, Wednesday, during a planned attack on cafés, upscale clothing stores and trendy barber s…

Scotiabank admits ‘richer than you think’ slogan was a math error

  TORONTO – In a startling revelation this morning Scotiabank admitted that their famous slogan ‘You’re richer than you think’ is, in fact, not true, and only arose b…

Trudeau defends meeting with Chinese billionaires by explaining he wanted to make a lot of money

OTTAWA – After photos surfaced showing Chinese billionaires meeting with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at a party fundraiser, the PM defended himself by stating that he only met with the fo…

Local millionaire depressed after meeting local billionaire

VANCOUVER – After what should have been a typical night of eating fresh-caught lobster stuffed inside still-breathing lobster, local millionaire Thane Anderson returned home despondent foll…