Quiz: Can you tell us where the emeralds are hidden or your wife dies, Jericho
We have Sandra, Jericho. She’s safe for now but that can all change unless you tell us where you’ve stashed away the emeralds. Answer these questions correctly or else your wife will meet an unfo…
After 3 weeks stuck in ice, Minister of Fisheries telling MPs to draw straws
TERROR BAY, NU. – Two days after the last of the weevil-infested hardtack was eaten, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans Dominic LeBlanc has begun walking around with a handful of straws, tell…
Don Cherry’s Rock ’em Sock ’em 5 added to Doomsday Vault
Spitsbergen, Norway – The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in the remote Arctic archipelago of Spitsbergen will be adding 10 VHS copies of Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em 5 to safeguard against ca…
Justin Trudeau apologizes to indigenous peoples for the mistreatment they will suffer for the next 150 years
In a brave and compassionate maneuver Canada’s Prime Minister finally apologized to first nations peoples for all the terrible things the government of Canada will soon be doing to t…
Local actor lands dream gig as shift supervisor
TORONTO – In what she is calling ‘the opportunity of a lifetime’, local actor Cassidy Ambrose has been asked to play the role of an employee who has twice as much responsibility, and makes …
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost
Name Brad Trost Background While his precise birth date is unknown, archaeologists have determined Trost was born sometime around 1095 AD at the beginning of the Crusades. He studied geophysics a…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
Nation’s evil twins shave goatees
OTTAWA – Realizing they could finally become unstoppable, evil twins from coast-to-coast have shaved their once tell-tale goatees, making them completely indistinguishable from their loveab…
You just said something unintentionally racist. Can you get out of it?
You’re not a racist (we assume). But you just said something that you realize came across super racist. Are you able to use your wits and guile to erase the social damage this will cause yo…
Report: Looks like that monk wasn’t the cool, fighting kind
HALIFAX – Witnesses to the brutal street beatdown of a monk say that, if they weren’t sure before they certainly were now, he almost definitely doesn’t know any sort of martial art. “Oh cra…
