Kevin O’Leary asks Putin for same deal Trump got

MOSCOW – A travel weary Kevin O’Leary arrived in Russia’s capital this morning in order to ask President Vladimir Putin for assistance becoming Tory leader and then PM of Canada…

STUDY: Willennials gettin’ jiggy with it less often than parents’ generation

WEST PHILADELPHIA – According to a new study released in the Journal of Comparative Demography, Willennials are getting jiggy with it less often on average than previous generations. “Paren…

5 Reasons Love Actually is a feminist masterpiece, as well as a Coded Map to Zorboth, the Intergalactic Shadow Realm

Christmastime is almost upon us, and if you’re like us, it’s time to get ready to re-watch Love Actually. The only downside of loving this British romantic comedy is how much flack it will get yo…

Science Minister Kirsty Duncan terminates escaped specimen on floor of House of Commons

OTTAWA – Moments after an escaped lab specimen burst screeching through the House of Commons doors, Science Minister Kirsty Duncan has euthanized it, with the assistance of a double-barrell…

Conservative Candidate Profile: Kellie Leitch

Name: Kellie Leitch Background Leitch has taken a courageous stand against the Ottawa “elite”, who she coincidentally defines as anyone you also don’t like. She is often commended for pulling her…

String quartet charged after hotel room refurbished

OTTAWA – Following their sold out concert in the Nation’s Capital, notorious chamber music band The Opus Four have be heavily fined for tastefully redecorating their room at the Marriott. A…

America outraged at Russia: ‘manipulating foreign elections is our thing!’

  Outrage in America this weekend as the CIA confirmed that Russia did in fact influence the results of the 2016 election. Not only is the US worried about it’s security, they are real…

Horse Cop thought this job would involve more jousting

HALIFAX – In his first week as the newest member of the Halifax Regional Police’s mounted unit, Constable Grayson DeLuca demonstrated all the passion for community service that has defined his 7 …

Utensil formerly known as “The Good Knife” stripped of title

RED DEER – Stunning observers in the Stephenson kitchen, The Good Knife has unceremoniously been forced to relinquish its title. The shocking loss of status occurred yesterday before dinner…

Professor’s clever trick question on exam prevents 14 students from attending law school

MONTREAL – Speaking to his stunned class two weeks after their midterm, Dr. Emile Hastings revealed that one of the seemingly simple questions on the test was actually a fun little trick, t…