Ransomware that attacked Sask government demands 1 million tonnes of potash or else
REGINA – According to sources within the provincial government, Hackers who have disabled parts of the Saskatchewan’s website are demanding over 1 million tonnes of potash or else it would …
University student working menial summer job unaware it will be permanent job after graduation
WINDSOR – A third year University of Windsor student working at a menial job for the summer months is unaware that after she graduates, she will return to the position permanently. “This jo…
Jonathan Kay excited to bring his provocative opinion writing to Baskin Robbins
TORONTO – Following his resignation as editor-in-chief of The Walrus over controversial statements on cultural appropriation, Jonathan Kay is reportedly enthusiastic to bring his incendiary…
Toronto couple relieved to find affordable home in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – After years of looking for a home Toronto-based young professionals Marcus and Ashley Warren are delighted to have finally found one in their price range, located in Winnipeg, Manitoba…
World’s last two corporations announce merger worth “all the money”
DOVER, DE – Hammering out a deal that experts estimate to be worth the entirety of Earth’s money supply, the world’s last two corporations have announced that they will be merging into a co…
Local couple excited to invest time and money into pathetic garden
MONTREAL – As the seasons turn from frosty to fresh, Karen Monahan and Peter Hogeu are preparing to yet again begin work on their pitiful excuse for a garden. “I love getting my hands dirty…
Lost photo album from the 70s reveals local Mom’s fun side, coke habit
London, ON – Local woman Mona Tucker is still reeling from the discovery of a long-lost family photo album from 1973 that revealed that her mother, Amy, was a fun, popular recreational coke…
Get Hype: The upcoming ‘Fast and the Furious’ prequel is all horses
Get hype, internet, there’s a new installment in the Fast and the Furious franchise, and this time, it’s nothing but horse, baby! Taking place in the same universe several years before the other …
Honest Ed’s demolition crew rescues 3rd group of lost shoppers this week
TORONTO – crews tasked with clearing the enormous warehouse discount store Honest Ed’s have encountered its third contingent of roaming, disoriented shoppers since Wednesday. Foreman Jim Pe…
Local father really psyched about this year’s perennials
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Proud father of two and recreational horticulturist Jack Tierney says he is “beyond excited” for his perennials, set to bloom in late May. “The real showstopper is seein…
