Ethics watchdog says cabinet ministers must disclose how much of their wealth is pirate booty acquired during coming-of-age adventures
OTTAWA – In the wake of several recent scandals involving the finances of federal Liberals, Canada’s ethics commissioner has suggested new rules that would force ministers to disclose exact…
Bernie Sanders admiration of Canadian healthcare makes patient waiting 2 years for hip replacement feel much better
TORONTO – A woman who has been waiting for a hip replacement for the past two years is beaming with pride knowing that US Senator Bernie Sanders thinks that Canada’s healthcare system is st…
Nation can’t remember what Stephen Harper looks like
OTTAWA – In the wake of Stephen Harper’s open letter on the NAFTA renegotiations the entire nation of Canada has realized they no longer have any idea what their previous prime minister looks lik…
QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?
Everyone has noticed the cryptic signs that form disturbing patterns around their home every evening. But are you able to decipher what the forces from beyond the veil want of you? Dear Lord what…
9 adorable Halloween outfits that will be offensive in 5 years
Ever had to censor a Throwback Thursday post because your parents decided to dress you as ‘Dreamcatcher Girl’ or ‘Generic Mexican’? Although it may seem like the days of offensive Halloween costu…
Wow! These laid off coal miners have retrained as social media influencers
Move over Trump! You’re not the only one bringing jobs back to coal miners. Once so-called victims of today’s highly automated economy, these seventeen former employees of Teck Resources Ltd. hav…
Wifi-enabled coffee maker ruins breakfast after spending another late night online
MARKHAM, ON—Winston and Claudette Reid say their wifi-enabled coffee maker has become dysfunctional, withdrawn, and that it spends an excessive amount of time surfing the internet. “It’s programm…
Marketing campaign for Thor: Ragnarok gets out of hand after giant wolf eats the sun
BURBANK, CA – Marvel Studios have issued an apology for inadvertently triggering the real Ragnarök with the marketing campaign for the latest installment in the Thor franchise. “I want to b…
Royal Canadian Mint announces new quarter not commemorating anything
OTTAWA – In a bold move, shattering years of public expectations, the Royal Canadian Mint has announced plans for a new circulation quarter that will not commemorate any person, place, or e…
Which Pennywise will you fuck this Halloween?
Attending an adult Halloween party serves one goal and one goal only: How can you get laid while only feeling mildly inappropriate for sleeping with an institution from your childhood? If you wer…
