WORLD – In response to the North Korean Worker’s Party recent “final authorization” for a nuclear strike against US targets, the roughly 6.975-billion people living outsid…
World
Pope Francis really hoping new job will finally get him laid
Vatican City – Less than a month since being elected as God’s chosen disciple on earth, Pope Francis said he welcomed the pressure and responsibility that comes with such an illustrio…
China finds Keystone XL environmental worries ‘Adorable’
BEIJING – The Keystone Pipeline, which is proposed to deliver crude oil from the Athabasca oil sands region in Alberta, Canada to Illinois, Oklahoma and the gulf coast of Texas, has been th…
Democracy flounders in Egypt despite consensus on walking style
CAIRO – Protests continued in the streets of Cairo Thursday as prospects for the fledgling Egyptian democracy look increasingly bleak. Egyptian politicians and pundits alike have expressed …
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
UPDATE: Smoke rises from conclave; cardinals red-eyed, hungry and unable to make decision
VATICAN CITY – The 115 member Cardinal Conclave in the Sistine Chapel signaled that it was unable to determine the next pope by burning a suspicious smelling substance. “Yeah, we weren’t able to …
President of Argentina dead at 58
RIO DE JANEIRO – After months of uncertainty regarding his battle with cancer, leftist President of Argentina Hugo Chavez died Tuesday at age 58. Vice President Nicolas Maduro spoke to thou…
Putin assures Russians that Space will pay for meteor attack
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin assured the people of Russia today that Space, the all encompassing dark void comprised of billions of galaxies, supernovae, black holes and planets, wil…
Vatican green-lights ABC production of ‘Vatican’s Next Top Pope’
VATICAN CITY – Officials from the Roman Catholic church announced Monday that ABC has ordered twenty-four hour long episodes of Vatican’s Next Top Pope, a reality TV show documenting the se…
