CARACAS – The Venezuelan government welcomed the arrival and asylum of NSA-leaker Edward Snowden today, releasing a statement querying whether Americans are or are not aware that Venezuela …
World
New Catholic cereal contains 50% of your daily recommended moral fibre
THE HOLY SEE – The Catholic Church has released a new breakfast cereal, Eucharisps, that contains 50% of your daily moral fibre. The church claims the crispy wafer-chip cereal is blessed, infalli…
BREAKING: Stephen Hawking has Nobel Prize revoked in midst of doping scandal
ENGLAND – In what is only the latest incident in the scientist’s ongoing doping scandal, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences announced today that they would be revoking Stephen Hawking’s …
Rest of world hasn’t got time for North Korea’s BS
WORLD – In response to the North Korean Worker’s Party recent “final authorization” for a nuclear strike against US targets, the roughly 6.975-billion people living outsid…
Pope Francis really hoping new job will finally get him laid
Vatican City – Less than a month since being elected as God’s chosen disciple on earth, Pope Francis said he welcomed the pressure and responsibility that comes with such an illustrio…
China finds Keystone XL environmental worries ‘Adorable’
BEIJING – The Keystone Pipeline, which is proposed to deliver crude oil from the Athabasca oil sands region in Alberta, Canada to Illinois, Oklahoma and the gulf coast of Texas, has been th…
Democracy flounders in Egypt despite consensus on walking style
CAIRO – Protests continued in the streets of Cairo Thursday as prospects for the fledgling Egyptian democracy look increasingly bleak. Egyptian politicians and pundits alike have expressed …
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
UPDATE: Smoke rises from conclave; cardinals red-eyed, hungry and unable to make decision
VATICAN CITY – The 115 member Cardinal Conclave in the Sistine Chapel signaled that it was unable to determine the next pope by burning a suspicious smelling substance. “Yeah, we weren’t able to …
