BRUSSELS – The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has mobilized 30,000 troops from European alliance ready to engage in a full scale letter writing campaign in the event of an armed conflic…
World
President Obama barricades self in Oval Office after House of Cards marathon
WASHINGTON – Following a 13 hour binge-viewing of the newly released second season of the Netflix exclusive series House of Cards, the President of the United States of America has barricaded him…
Russian Olympics security to crack down on any outward displays of pride
MOSCOW – Responding to international pressure over homophobic legislation, Russian president Vladimir Putin has announced the passing of a new universal law against displays of pride. “Russia is …
Report: It way too late to get something going for Valentine’s Day
MONTREAL – Despite your best efforts to remain positive, a report released this morning by McGill University has affirmed that it’s already way too late to get something going for Valentine…
Chinese government reports New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular through smog
BEIJING – Chinese government officials have reported that the country’s annual New Year’s fireworks display sounded spectacular for all those who could hear the display since it…
Vietnam veteran acquitted in assault of flashmob
NEW YORK – After maiming an entire flashmob two years ago, Vietnam veteran Lester Farley was acquitted of 36 cases of assault earlier this afternoon. “Personally, I’m satisfied with the ver…
Israeli Prime Minister Stephen Harper returns after long visit in Canada
TEL AVIV – After nine long years travelling in Canada to promote his country, Israel’s prime minister Stephen Harper is finally back in his homeland. “From what I have learned, Canada is a …
Japanese homeless glowing with gratitude for new jobs cleaning up Fukushima
Sendai, JAPAN – Japanese contractors in charge of cleaning up after the Fukushima nuclear disaster say that the strange glow being emitted by some of the homeless it hired is merely their i…
Earth starts new orbit around sun with clean slate, colossal hangover
A TINY SPECK IN THE MILKY WAY – Bouncing back from the previous night’s festivities, Planet Earth is excited to begin its new revolution just as soon as she recovers from a splitting headache. Th…
SA sign language interpreter believed he was at shadow puppet competition
JOHANNESBURG – The man who stands accused of faking sign language during the Nelson Mandela memorial service is claiming that he was actually there for the annual South African Shadow Puppe…
