TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally p…
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Tim Hortons releases donut commemorating Humboldt Broncos donut PR disaster
OAKVILLE — Tim Hortons has released a second “tragedy donut” commemorating the PR disaster that followed the release of a Humboldt Bronco’s donut. The “PR Disaster” donut features miniature…
Valerie Plante approval rating drops after she bans running down cyclists on Mount Royal
MONTREAL — Recently elected Montreal mayor Valerie Plante’s approval rating has plummeted once again after announcing a controversial ban against driving your car into, and running o…
Woman on death row’s final meal request: “I don’t know, whatever you want”
RICHMOND, VA – When faced with the decision of selecting her final meal, death-row inmate Sherry Burns declared that she was “cool with whatever.” “All I wanted to know was what she wanted …
Your girlfriend doesn’t want commitment, she wants you to be Rihanna
MISSISSAUGA – After numerous consultations with groups of women congregating in club bathrooms, irrefutable evidence proves that most women are dissatisfied with how un-Rihanna their partne…
Loblaws accused of price-fixing scheme on apology gift cards from last price-fixing scheme
Brampton, ON — Grocery chain Loblaws, which recently offered $25 gift cards to apologize for a nationwide 14-year-long price fixing scheme on bread, has been accused of subjecting the gift …
I’m the Champ: What is Cool?
Yesterday my bud Will asked me what a cool is, and how did I get to be so cool? I told him I’m not so cool, I just have lots of style and pinash. He said what’s pinash? I said look it…
I’m the Champ: Men are from Rome, women are from Mars
A lot of people notice I’m good with ladies. They say “Hey Champ, you are so smooth, you must have slept with a hundred girls.” Now I am a gentleman and will never brag, but it’s more than two, I…
I’m the Champ: Don’t be so fat, OK?
I was talking to a fat guy the other day and he was saying he wanted to be skinny like me. I told him he’s not so fat (you have to do that, BE CIVILIZED ABOUT FAT PEOPLE, OK?). This guy said he w…