TORONTO – Following the last-minute cancellation of the popular Caribana event Carnival Kingdom, city officials have decided that next year, instead of the Toronto Caribbean Carnival Parade…
Toronto
Trinity Bellwoods Park introduces bottle service
TORONTO – In partnership with Smirnoff Citrus TM one of Toronto’s most popular parks to get totally hammered in, Trinity Bellwoods, is implementing bottle service at all its picnic tables. “For y…
Faith Goldy promotes diversity by opening up mayoral campaign to Italians
TORONTO — Toronto mayoral candidate and avowed white nationalist Faith Goldy has announced a new ‘diversity initiative’, wherein her campaign will expand its messaging to include Italian vo…
Ford announces plan to cut Toronto City Council size by killing 1 million Torontonians
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford will be reducing the number of elected municipal representatives in Toronto by culling over a million of its residents. 47 councillors for approximately …
Doug Ford screws Toronto without consent
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has implemented a plan to reduce the size of Toronto city council from 47 to 25, thus ignoring boundaries that the city has clearly established, and scre…
Man suffering heat stroke told not to complain about the heat because it often snows in January
TORONTO – Local man Kevin Meyer, debilitated by the effects of high temperatures, has been repeatedly told by friends and family not to complain about the heat because several months from n…
Safety: Toronto pedestrians advised to carry around 4,000 lbs concrete barrier when crossing a street
TORONTO – With the recent spike in deadly accidents between pedestrians and vehicles this year, the City of Toronto has suggested pedestrians carry their own concrete barriers whenever the …
Toronto police bravely liberate park-goers from bottle of rosé
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Services are celebrating the bravery shown by officer Brian Murnane today as he successfully confiscated a bottle of wine in Trinity Bellwoods Park, restoring p…
Advocates urge cyclists to use new “Please don’t kill me” hand signal
TORONTO – Cycling safety advocates have developed a new hand signal following a string of fatal accidents on Toronto’s streets. In addition to the existing signals for ‘right’, ‘left’, and …
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …
