TORONTO – One week after signing a 12 year deal for NHL broadcasting rights that cost twice as much as their last deal, Rogers CEO Tony Staffieri said the deal is an investment in the compa…
Sports
Ovechkin dedicates his record-breaking goal to the brave men and women bombing Ukrainian hospitals
NEW YORK CITY – Alexander Ovechkin has scored his 895th career goal, surpassing Wayne Gretzky’s record and making him first all-time among NHL superstars with terrible personal politics. Ovechki…
Man who calls his fantasy hockey team Big Stick Daddy enters 30th hour of planning your crushing defeat
TORONTO – According to sources embedded in your fantasy hockey pool, the player who goes by a crude double entendre is on the verge of issuing you such a humiliating defeat that you’ll lose all i…
Local snowboarder who keeps lift tags on jacket can’t stop getting laid
COLLINGWOOD, ON – Move over, Shaun White. There’s a new snowboarder in town: one who doesn’t need to wow people with sick tricks or Olympic medals, because he’s got twelve lift tags on his black …
Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings
EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the on…
Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz
BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous ot…
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway throu…
Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action
OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an …
Canadian hockey fans prepare to call the 4 Nations Face-Off a brilliant idea or some made-up bullshit depending on whether we win
MONTREAL – As Team Canada gets set to play its first game in the inaugural 4 Nations Face-Off, fans across the country are ready to either celebrate a generation-defining victory or dismiss a tot…
NFL updates ‘No More Racism’ end zone message by removing the ‘No’
NEW ORLEANS, LA – The NFL has announced that the prominent end zone messages of “No More Racism” will be updated for Super Bowl LIX between the Kansas City Chiefs and Philadelphia Eagles on…
