SAN FRANCISCO – WinRAR developer Eugene Roshal was shocked to discover that despite his popular file compression program’s very clear 40-day trial policy, literally no one on the Internet h…
Science and Technology
Elon Musk investing $800 million to fight own skeleton
Hawthorne, CA – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk announced on Twitter today that he is beginning a new company that aims to give him the ability to remove his own skeleton so he can fight…
Large Hadron Collider shutting down as scientists opt to do most of their atomic colliding online
GENEVA – In a press conference last week, scientists at CERN announced that the Large Hadron Collider will be shutting down permanently due to a steady decrease in use. The facility, which …
Mars probe glad to leave doomed Earth behind
PASADENA, CA – After successfully landing on the Martian surface, InSight, the $1 billion NASA probe, relayed the message back to headquarters that it’s glad to be off that “God forsaken” r…
Archaeologists uncover ancient trove of friends made along the way
SAMAWAH, IRAQ – Hailed as perhaps the most precious treasure after all, archaeologists in southern Iraq have discovered an ancient cache of friends made along the way – a find as valu…
9 out of 10 boyfriends wearing shirts they just found somewhere they can’t remember
MONTREAL — In a study done by Concordia University, it has officially been proven that 9 out of 10 boyfriends’ shirts come from somewhere that no boyfriend can remember. Following years of …
Starship from old ‘flying through space’ screensaver finally reaches destination
THE INTERNET – Fans of classic screensavers were privy to a very special sight today as the starship that has been live-streaming its journey in the form of the starfield/warp screensaver a…
Quantum scientists discover that the more hair elastics you buy, the fewer you have access to
GENEVA – If you’ve ever wondered why, no matter how many you buy, you can never find a hair elastic when you need one, the scientists at CERN have finally discovered the problem: the act of…
Kaiju nutritionists now recommend low-car diet
TOKYO – Scientists at the University of Tokyo specializing in giant monster nutrition have released a study on the merits of a diet low in cars. “We’ve found a concerning correlation between obes…
3D-printed guns single-handedly saving crafting industry
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise move to many, the arts and crafts retail chain Michaels announced plans to join forces with the organization Defense Distributed in support of the US Justic…
