VANCOUVER – A recent, municipal census regarding what shade of Beige citizens prefer for the Town Hall lobby, revealed that people are fed up with answering vexatious questionnaires. Deputy…
Science and Technology
Sun Media unable to get Facebook satire tag removed from articles
TORONTO – Sun Media has reported difficulty in getting Facebook’s new ‘satire’ tag removed from their articles. “I just don’t understand what we’re doing wrong,” said columnist Joe Warmingt…
New app locates hottest nearby places to curl up and die
SAN FRANCISCO – Taking Silicon Valley by storm, the new smartphone app ‘Surrendster’ uses GPS technology to find the hippest nearby place for you to go, cough once or twice, and…
Erection pills made from last rhino don’t even work
TANZANIA – After poaching, despoiling and making pills out of the last living Black Rhinoceros in existence, local banker Dave Shen remains unable to maintain an erection. “What a waste,” s…
Alarming report suggests catastrophic climate change could alter purchasing habits
YOKOHAMA, JAPAN – An alarming new report suggests that the effects of catastrophic climate change could ultimately impact the way humans consume products and respond to advertising. “For ye…
Teenage planet’s life ruined by parent star
HORSEHEAD NEBULA, UNIVERSE – It was discovered today that in the alien solar system Kepler-47, a teenage planet is having it’s life ruined by its parent stars. The planet known as 47-B or &…
Thousands of Nintendo Power Gloves, severed hands, found in New Mexico landfill
ALAMOGORDO, N.M. — As a documentary crew searched the Alamogordo Landfill for long-lost copies of the Atari 2600 game E.T. The Extraterrestrial, a separate documentary crew has discovered hundred…
Killer whale brought to justice
SEA OF JAPAN – After following a thirty-year long trail of slain fish, squid and seals, the crew of the whaler Pekuad Maru say that an infamous killer whale has been brought to justice. “Th…
Instagram crash forces thousands of teenage girls to go unharassed by James Franco
SAN FRANCISCO – Thousands of teenage girls woke up this Saturday disappointed that they received no harassment whatsoever by actor James Franco due to an Instagram crash. “I thought m…
Study finds that people in glass houses shouldn’t do a lot of things
VANCOUVER – A new study from the University of British Columbia has found that throwing stones is one of the “last things” that people in glass houses should worry about doing. “Our researc…
