GLACE BAY, NS – Premier Stephen McNeil marked his narrow Liberal majority victory by announcing a local ER would be closing for the next three to six weeks. Closing an ER in Cape Breton …
Politics
Captive Minister of Fisheries eyes dagger tucked in pirate king’s belt
ARABIAN SEA – After being held captive for three days by Absimil “Goose Flesh” Sayid and his crew while on assignment in Somalia, Minister of Fisheries Dominic LeBlanc saw in the knife hanging of…
Niagara Region Councillor investigating impostor who emailed porn to colleagues and looks, behaves exactly like him
ST CATHARINES – A Niagara Regional Councillor has set up his own investigation into the impostor who used his email to distribute a pornographic image to 95 of his colleagues, and by strang…
The Rebelton: Refugees
“If these people really aren’t a threat to us then there is NO way for us to protect ourselves from them!”…
The Justin Trudeau Random Photobomb Headline Generator
Since any staged interaction between the public and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is considered newsworthy and a ‘photobomb’, the Beaverton has developed a state-of-the-art random hea…
Ransomware that attacked Sask government demands 1 million tonnes of potash or else
REGINA – According to sources within the provincial government, Hackers who have disabled parts of the Saskatchewan’s website are demanding over 1 million tonnes of potash or else it would …
Opposition finally catch on that Trudeau has been replaced by cardboard cutout for two weeks
OTTAWA – Two weeks after a life-sized cardboard cutout of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau replaced the actual Prime Minister, opposition parties have finally caught onto the ruse. “I knew som…
Don Meredith resigns from Senate to spend more time with his lifetime Senate pension
OTTAWA – Disgraced Senator Don Meredith announced today that he would voluntarily resign from his position because he feels his time would be better spent looking after his guaranteed gover…
Saskatchewan government replaces funeral services for poor with funeral catapult
REGINA – The Saskatchewan government’s budget cuts have eliminated funeral services for those unable to afford it, and will instead offer a free catapult service. Rather than cremation or b…
Hillary Clinton maintains composure during first run-in with America at cafe they used to go to together
WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to sources, Hillary Clinton reportedly came off well during a chance encounter with the United States of America in the cafe they used to frequent together. It …
