BELLEVILLE, ON – An anti-abortion monument has been erected by the Knights of Columbus for the fetuses who will never grow up to be a victim of a priest’s abuse. “The Catholic Church contin…
Ontario
Doug Ford knocks on cellar door to see if it’s okay to come out
KENORA, ON – Rapping on a rickety plywood door from his subterranean hiding, Ontario Premier Doug Ford sheepishly asked his Conservative Party handlers if it was okay to come out now that t…
Doug Ford still trying to finish Andrew Scheer’s diversionary scavenger hunt
TIMISKAMING DISTRICT, ON – Deep in the Ontario wilderness, Premier Doug Ford believes he’s nearly found all the items to complete Conservative leader Andrew Scheer’s elaborate game to keep …
Hamilton pleads for political demonstrators to save their violence for a Ti-Cats game
HAMILTON, ON – After a scuffle and screaming match in Hamilton yesterday, community leaders have asked local political demonstrators to reserve their hate and transgressions for a Tiger-Cat…
Ford lives out childhood dream of firing teachers over his summer vacation
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and the Progressive Conservatives played out their school-yard fantasy today, by firing taking 10,000 teaching jobs away from the education system by 202…
Doug Ford vows to reach $15 billion deficit total he lied about before the end of his term
QUEEN’S PARK – During his 2018 election campaign, Ford claimed the Liberals had left him with a $15 billion deficit, now understood to be a much smaller sum of $7.8 billion, and has since promise…
Snapping turtle keeps Greenbelt home after donating $100,000 to Ontario PCs
UXBRIDGE, ON – A wealthy snapping turtle from the Oak Ridges Moraine Conservation Area has successfully lobbied to keep her home after making a generous donation on the Ontario Progressive …
Ontario government replaces OSAP with Taylor Swift
TORONTO – After superstar Taylor Swift made a generous donation to support a fan’s tuition fees, the Ontario government has announced that the American singer-songwriter will now be the onl…
Report: Ford tried to obtain neuralyzer to make people forget past year
TORONTO – A recent Freedom of Information request has revealed Ontario Premier Doug Ford has attempted to obtain a neuralyzer like the one featured in the Men in Black film series. Accordin…
Doug Ford to privatize birds
TORONTO — This week, Premier Doug Ford announced a bold plan to privatize birds in the province of Ontario. “We’ve been wasting money on public birds for too long,” said Ford. “We simply ca…
