CANADA – Sources report that the nation’s women are so fucking done with all this goddamn bullshit. If you assault women, it’s your fault, and your problem. Fucking get it together or get t…
National
Ghomeshi Judge: “We must fight against the stereotype that women tell the truth”
TORONTO – In a decisive ruling, Ghomeshi trial Judge William Horkins urged Canadians to remain vigilant against the baseless notion that women are ever truthful about sexual assault, victim…
Ghomeshi thanks Crown, police for their excellent work on his defence
TORONTO — Former CBC personality Jian Ghomeshi expressed his appreciation for the police and prosecution, thanking them for all their hard work in ensuring his acquittal on charges of sexua…
Panelists decide which author to execute on day 3 of Canada Reads
TORONTO – Partway through another day of grueling debate, the Canada Reads panelists are still deciding which of the three remaining authors will be sacrificed today to guarantee another ye…
Tories slam Liberal budget’s reckless acknowledgement of First Nations, veterans
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leaders had harsh words for the federal budget tabled by Finance Minister Bill Morneau yesterday, blasting the Liberal government for its “irresponsible” acknowledgeme…
Trudeau edges budget halfway off table to demonstrate it balancing itself
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has silenced critics by carefully placing the Liberal government’s budget halfway off of a table, where according to sources it teetered precariously …
Rob Ford’s death hitting nation way harder than expected
TORONTO – Although he was by all accounts a bad mayor and a deeply flawed person, the nation has been surprised to find itself bereft by the loss of one of its most notable public figures. …
Sophie Trudeau interrupts husband’s budget speech with spirited rendition of ‘Ol’ Man River.’
OTTAWA — Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau stole the spotlight from her husband today, halting his parliamentary budget speech with an inspiring interpretation of a classic piece of African American strugg…
Budget lowers millennial retirement age to 135 years
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that the retirement age for young people born less than 30 years ago would be brought back down to 135, reversing the Conservative…
Local man proud of Canadian-made ketchup from tomatoes picked by temporary foreign worker
LEAMINGTON, ON — Local man Kyle Matheson is proud to purchase and use French’s Ketchup knowing that the tomatoes were grown and harvested in Canada by a temporary foreign worker from Jamaic…
