OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau missed a crucial vote on the proposed Liberal budget this morning after the Prime Minister spent too long staring at himself in the bathroom mirror again. “I apologi…
National
Toronto Sun owner Postmedia purchases the Beaverton
TORONTO – Postmedia Network Inc. (“Postmedia”) today announced the acquisition of the Beaverton website and all related print and television properties. The Beaverton, widely regarded as the prem…
Swiss Chalet acquires St. Hubert to streamline torture of nation’s chickens
MONTREAL — Swiss Chalet has announced that their $537 million acquisition of St. Hubert will make the cruel and unusual treatment endured by Canada’s poultry much more efficient. “Instead o…
Nation’s women fucking done with this shit
CANADA – Sources report that the nation’s women are so fucking done with all this goddamn bullshit. If you assault women, it’s your fault, and your problem. Fucking get it together or get t…
Ghomeshi Judge: “We must fight against the stereotype that women tell the truth”
TORONTO – In a decisive ruling, Ghomeshi trial Judge William Horkins urged Canadians to remain vigilant against the baseless notion that women are ever truthful about sexual assault, victim…
Ghomeshi thanks Crown, police for their excellent work on his defence
TORONTO — Former CBC personality Jian Ghomeshi expressed his appreciation for the police and prosecution, thanking them for all their hard work in ensuring his acquittal on charges of sexua…
Panelists decide which author to execute on day 3 of Canada Reads
TORONTO – Partway through another day of grueling debate, the Canada Reads panelists are still deciding which of the three remaining authors will be sacrificed today to guarantee another ye…
Tories slam Liberal budget’s reckless acknowledgement of First Nations, veterans
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leaders had harsh words for the federal budget tabled by Finance Minister Bill Morneau yesterday, blasting the Liberal government for its “irresponsible” acknowledgeme…
Trudeau edges budget halfway off table to demonstrate it balancing itself
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has silenced critics by carefully placing the Liberal government’s budget halfway off of a table, where according to sources it teetered precariously …
Rob Ford’s death hitting nation way harder than expected
TORONTO – Although he was by all accounts a bad mayor and a deeply flawed person, the nation has been surprised to find itself bereft by the loss of one of its most notable public figures. …
