WINNIPEG – Amid the controversy over Robin Thicke’s performance tonight at the Juno’s, organizers have decided Thicke’s scantily-clad back up dancers will be replaced by Team Jones, the Can…
National
Ontario Liberals on deleted hard drives: ‘My finger accidentally slipped a few thousand times’
TORONTO – In response to an ongoing police investigation into the cancellation of two gas power plant costing $1.1 billion, a former high ranking staffers within the Premier’s office claime…
Elizabeth May wins 3rd annual parliamentary Hunger Games
OTTAWA – The Tribute MP representing the British Columbia District has been declared winner of the third annual Canadian Parliamentary Hunger Games after two days of intense combat and cunn…
Harper reveals Canadian Ministry of Magic, announces sweeping cuts
OTTAWA – At a press conference today Prime Minister Stephen Harper made two announcements: first, he revealed the astounding truth of a government department that oversees Canada’s various …
Pauline Marois ‘ne se souviens pas’ the definition of ‘souveraineté’
MONTREAL – At a campaign stop on the provincial election trail, Quebec Premier Pauline Marois admitted she “ne me souviens pas” the exact definition of “souveraineté” Marois recently …
‘Mother Canada’ statue to commemorate memory of veteran services, pensions
INGONISH – Parks Canada is set to begin construction on a 10 storey high statue along the Cabot Trail to commemorate the memory of Canada’s services and pensions for veterans The $60 millio…
Alison Redford steps down as Alberta Premier, replaced by barrel of crude oil
EDMONTON – Following the surprise resignation of Premier Redford, the Alberta PC party has proudly announced that her replacement would be a 159L drum of pure petrol. “When you get right do…
Harper declares Afghanistan mission a success with opium economy fully recovered
OTTAWA – With the return of the last Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan, Harper declared an economic victory now that the country’s opium economy has fully recovered. “Canada would like to re…
Flaherty resignation creates Economic Action Plan’s first job
OTTAWA – Canada’s Economic Action Plan, which cost $60 billion of the past five years, created its first job opening today when Finance Minister Jim Flaherty resigned. Flaherty explained th…
Poll: Fewer Canadians plan on living after retirement
OTTAWA – A new Environics poll indicated that fewer Canadians are expecting to live after they retire from their jobs. 47% of Canadians responded that they have little or no hope that they …
