NIAGARA FALLS, ON – A new report from controversial amusement park, Marineland, has revealed that almost all their aquatic animals are living in their own tears. “Really, it’s j…
National
Tories allege Trudeau is ‘radical Islamist’ after Liberal leader buys, eats shawarma
MONTREAL — Minister of Public Safety Steve Blaney has accused Justin Trudeau of being a radical Islamist after the Liberal leader allegedly purchased, and consumed, a Middle Eastern dish kn…
Canadians stealing state secrets from China find nothing but Canadian state secrets
DANDONG, CHINA- Two married Canadian nationals accused of stealing state secrets from the Chinese government have admitted to the act of subterfuge, but have claimed that the only secrets they di…
Imperial Metals CEO: ‘I have cousin that’s good at fixing contaminated water’
POLLEY LAKE, BC – The CEO of the mining company that is responsible for contaminating several BC lakes with arsenic, lead, mercury and other heavy metals, is assuring the public that he kno…
United Church scales back inclusiveness by adding in height requirement
TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
Harper awards self Victoria Cross for gallant performance at WWI commemoration
OTTAWA – In recognition of his stalwart performance and commitment to national pride at today’s commemoration of the beginning of the First World War, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has reco…
World commemorates anniversary of war that ended, then caused, all wars
LONDON – To honour its centennial year, countries across the world commemorated the war that ended, then caused, all wars. Tributes were made to the fallen at World War I memorials, which w…
MacKay skips Canadian BAR conference to study for his LSAT
OTTAWA – Peter MacKay will miss the annual Canadian Bar Association conference after insisting that he really needs to study for his upcoming LSAT examination. “I had barely enough time to …
August is Cause-Related Marketing Awareness Month
TORONTO – Corporations everywhere are reminding Canadians that they should be aware of all of the good cause-related marketing they have been doing lately. “We think it’s very important tha…
Last known viewer of Mike Bullard Show passes away
TORONTO – John Issac, the last remaining Canadian to have watched Open Mike with Mike Bullard, has died at age 78. Issac, who hailed from New Brunswick, was one of 11 people known to have e…
