Media personality Ezra Levant, who has been described by thousands as “snot nosed”, “vapid”, and whose penis is well-known to be “literally the smallest”, has lost a libel suit brought against hi…
National
Sun Media publishes retraction of last 18 years worth of articles
OTTAWA – After mistakenly attributing several politically incorrect comments to Liberal MP Marlo Raynolds, Sun Media has reviewed its archives and found that nearly all of its content from …
Jian Ghomeshi not entirely turned on by Toronto Police’s handcuffs
TORONTO – After being released on bail Wednesday afternoon, sources say disgraced CBC radio personality, Jian Ghomeshi, was not as turned on by the Toronto Police handcuffs as he had expected to …
Street price of nation’s favourite drug to increase by 10 cents
WELLAND – Canada’s most addictive street drug is increasing in price by ten cents worrying many public health experts and addicts. “I get a hit at least twice a day,” said Joe Kuharchuk, a …
Harper signs trade agreement with Fourth Circle of Hell
HELL – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has signed a landmark trade agreement between Canada and Hell’s layer reserved for greedy, hoarding souls. The agreement was signed by Harper and Hell’s…
Harper lights ceremonial tire fire at annual Chinese pollution festival
BEIJING – After being praised for his commitment to environmental catastrophe, Stephen Harper kicked the annual Festival of the Polluted Moon off by throwing a bag of flaming garbage into a…
Government to punish fake soldier by treating him like a real veteran
OTTAWA – After posing as a fake Canadian Forces soldier, DND and Veterans Affairs have decided the impostor’s punishment should be to endure the poor treatment they inflict on a real Canadi…
MPs reassure female staffers with playful open-handed pat on the behind
OTTAWA – Following sexual harassment allegations against two Liberal MPs and subsequent questions over the House of Commons’ lack of protocol to deal with them, male MPs made sure to reassu…
CRTC bans 30-day internet cancellation notice after 4 hour argument with Rogers tech support
OTTAWA – Following an aggravating conversation with representatives from the leading internet, TV, and cellphone provider, the CTRC has decided to ban the required 30-day notice period for …
Bank of Canada Governor asks unemployed youth if they’ve considered serfdom
OTTAWA – With youth unemployment skyrocketing across Canada, Bank of Canada Governor Stephen Poloz is recommending that young people consider the ancient feudal status of serfdom to boost their c…
