OTTAWA – Despite initial fears that the Conservatives would be unable to balance the 2015 budget, finance minister Joe Oliver has managed to scrape together a small surplus, after promising…
National
Ontario enters late-19th century with beer sales at grocery stores
TORONTO – The Ontario government’s decision to change liquor laws and permit the sale of beer in grocery stores will put the progressive province on par with the laws from the 1890s. “While…
Update: Mike Duffy bills taxpayers for legal fees
OTTAWA – One week into his trial for financial misconduct, Conservative Senator Mike Duffy has attempted to bill his Senate expense account for legal fees. “I figured that this trial would …
Yukon RCMP investigating why man assaulted by police officer wasn’t shot
WHITEHORSE – Yukon RCMP are investigating an incident caught on video showing one of their members inside a home assaulting a man and not shooting him. “This is a disturbing video,” said Sg…
‘We told you so’ clean up underway in Vancouver’s English Bay
VANCOUVER – In what every Vancouver resident has said was an “utterly predictable eventuality,” one of the tankers that line English Bay has leaked tons of “we totally saw…
Jurors in Mike Duffy trial each receive mysterious $90,000 cheque
OTTAWA – Before the start of what will be the political trial of the year, the jurors deciding the fate of embattled Senator Mike Duffy have inexplicably all received a cheque for $90,000. …
Senate announces $2 million national inquiry to investigate cold cases of cheese
OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nancy Ruth along with dozens of other upper chamber members have announced the Senate’s intention to launch a comprehensive inquiry into the victims of cold ch…
Future Shop employees receive severance pay in Best Buy gift cards
TORONTO – 1,500 former employees of Future Shop Canada will receive a generous severance package of Best Buy gift certificates valued at $25 or more. Best Buy, the parent company of Future …
Canada will drop ‘very smart bombs’ programmed to understand complexities of Syrian conflict
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Jason Kenney has assured the Canadian public the bombs being dropped on Syria will be of the ‘very smart bomb’ variety fully capable of understanding the complicat…
Government removes ‘Trans’ from Trans-Canada Highway citing family values
OTTAWA – Canada’s transcontinental highway will get a name change after several Conservative MPs and Senators expressed discomfort with the current name. The Conservative caucus accused the…
