Minden Hills, ON – Local man Jacob Hall claims to love reading, but actually just loves falling asleep with a book on his chest. “Whether it’s sci-fi, fantasy or non-fiction, I …
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Neighbour’s little library features little creep at little computer printing off little images of Shakira
SUMMERSIDE, PEI – In an attempt to scale down the modern library experience, a local front-yard little library installed a little computer which was quickly used by a little creep to print …
Hero cat bravely saves owner from being in bathroom alone
WINNIPEG – Felines nationwide are praising humble hero cat Mr. Pringles after he bravely saved his owner, local university student Christine Pedany, from being in the bathroom alone for mor…
Man daydreams of being rich person’s dog for 5th time today
TORONTO – Local man, Andrew Tan, has spent a lot of time lately thinking how great it would be to be a rich person’s dog instead of a human male forced to make his life fulfilling. “I’ve be…
Millennial woman horrified to learn she just wakes up early now
Dartmouth, NS – A millennial woman has been horrified to discover that she just wakes up early now, all on her own. Brittany Austin, 31, made the frightening discovery last weekend, when she atte…
“Birkenstocks are super comfy” reports woman with bloody, cut-up feet
Peterborough, ON – Local woman Jane Waite has been telling friends how comfortable her new Birkenstock sandals are, despite the numerous cuts, blisters and open wounds visible. “I cou…
Father forbids Pfizer-vaccinated daughter to date Moderna-vaccinated boy
MILTON, ON – Reaffirming that his family is a “Pfizer family,” local father Harold Ludwig has forbidden his daughter Donna from dating a teenage “Moderna bad boy.” “I’m putting my foot down…
Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side
Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…
Tall couple oblivious to their threatening presence
CALGARY, AB – Towering above their friends at a backyard barbeque last night, local tall couple Morgan LeMarche (6’2”) and Spencer Daniels (6’4”) startled party-goers as they socialized and…
Woman exhausts supply of spices in ongoing feud with squirrel
BRANTFORD, ON – In an escalating confrontation with a rodent, local resident and amatuer botanist Shelly Hargrove has exhausted her home’s supply of chili powder, turmeric, and other spices…