VANCOUVER – Local man Kyle Seinkowiecz, 23, is being hailed as a modern day Rosa Parks after bravely refusing—despite all of his society’s disapproval—to turn down his headphones whil…
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Inspirational procrastinator lives every day like it’s his second last
Prince Albert, Sask – Filling his day with useless activities to avoid more important ones, Harold Carmacks has inspired many with his ‘I’ll-do-it-tomorrow’ philosophy. “I’m always preoccup…
Wine-drunk aunt tries to guess whether your handsome friend is Leo or Taurus
Oakville, ON — At last Sunday’s backyard barbecue, family and friends bore witness to Aunt Sheila’s chardonnay-fuelled inquisition into whether your handsome friend Daniel is a Leo or…
Picnic ruined by being outside
THUNDER BAY — After three gruelling hours of tolerating such things as weather and plants, every member of the Terrence family has stated that their attempt at a picnic was ruined by the choice t…
Skills from calligraphy degree applied on Starbucks cup
ST CATHARINES – Local Starbucks barista Janine Avalos has finally been able to put her four years of post-secondary education to good use by applying it to a variety of Starbucks disposable…
Local father already owns every possible tie
WOODSTOCK, ON – Local father Chuck Lowridge has announced that he will not be celebrating Father’s Day this year as he has already been given every possible necktie over the past thirty years. “M…
Optimist drowns in glass half-full
VANCOUVER, BC – The body of local man, Eric Heston, known by many as one of the most optimistic people they’ve ever met, was pulled last night from the bottom a glass sources say he would d…
Man should have worn more gingham to this brunch
TORONTO – Citing the amount of gingham that he is wearing and amount of gingham that those around him are wearing, local man Marc Fresno has determined that he should have worn more gingham…
Rideau Street collapses under weight of bathroom lineup for Byward Market McDonalds
OTTAWA – City of Ottawa engineers have determined that the sinkhole on Rideau Street was caused by the weight of the multitudes lined up to use the restroom at the McDonalds leading into th…
Marriage with Jeff barely satisfies local woman’s need to not die alone
GRIMSBY, ON – A marriage with 46-year old accountant Jeff Sturges barely satisfies local woman Marissa Sturges’ most rudimentary need for human interaction. “He’s technically there, which i…
