KINGSTON, ON – Local fitness enthusiast Rebecca Lee is currently on her third lap around the gym, hoping against hope she’ll find a place to do glute bridges without an audience. “I’m not s…
Lifestyle
Local couple excited to invest time and money into pathetic garden
MONTREAL – As the seasons turn from frosty to fresh, Karen Monahan and Peter Hogeu are preparing to yet again begin work on their pitiful excuse for a garden. “I love getting my hands dirty…
Inspiring! Woman cuts wedding guest list in half by throwing her relatives off of a bridge
Boy, planning your own wedding sure is tough! There’s so much to consider: venues, decorations, flowers, rings, accommodations, everyone else’s feelings but your own, o’er dR…
REPORT: Bowling harder than you remember
EDMONTON, AB – According to a recent report, the activity of bowling is much harder than you remember it being, especially considering that the last time you played, you were practically a …
Judge rules drunken proclamations of love are legally binding marriages
HALIFAX, NS – A Halifax judge has ruled that drunken proclamations of love constitute legal marriages. “Clearly, a drunk can consent to marriage,” reads the decision in the case of a young …
Frantic cleaning of apartment before arrival of guests only quality time couple spends together
GUELPH – Early today Gary and Marsha Suffolk were struck with the realization that the only time they truly spend together any more is during the panicked apartment cleanup they perform about an …
Entire family unsure who actually wanted to go on cruise
INTERNATIONAL WATERS – Speaking from the middle of a 7 day Caribbean cruise, members of the Webster family are at an absolute loss to explain who thought going on a cruise would be any fun …
5 ways to abandon your kids on Family Day
You know what they say, kids are either the greatest joy in your life, a constant burden on your spirit, or some combination of both. But no matter how much you love your children, one thing is c…
Report: Valentine’s Day doesn’t buy into you either, Craig
BRAMPTON, ON – According to a recent report, Valentine’s Day has ceased to believe in Brampton resident Craig Moore. “We’re not going taking part in Craig this year,” read a statement from …
7 recipes to combat your existential dread
If you’re feeling the angst of meaninglessness, you’re not alone. Let’s face it, the fact of nihilism means nothing really matters, so eating well is only slowing down the count to your inevitabl…
