MONTREAL – As Canadians face another scorching hot summer, Coppertone has announced a new extra-potent sunscreen line that banishes the sun back behind the hills and mountains from which it dares…
Health
Québec language inspectors check that patients are dying in French
MONTRÉAL – The government of Québec has confirmed that inspectors from the Office Québécois de la Langue Française have been monitoring conversations at a local hospital to ensure that pati…
Op-Ed: 30 days without Loblaws: how it improved my skin, digestion, and sex life
Op-Ed by Gayle N. Easton This past month, I decided to participate in Canada’s hottest trend since last summer’s troubling climate change temperatures: the national Loblaws boycott. I already gav…
BREAKING: Makers of 9-in-1 body wash admit it’s just laundry detergent
OTTAWA — In a stunning revelation that has shaken the personal care industry to its core, the makers of Düush+, a popular men’s 9-in-1 body wash, have admitted that the product is actually just l…
4 hangover cures that aren’t as good as playing Home for a Rest by beloved Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West at full volume
We’ve all been there. Nauseous, bleary, remembering that you puked a kiddie pool’s worth of green lager onto your boss’s dog at the St. Paddy’s day staff party. And we all know that the only way …
Malfunctioning embryo freezer charged with mass murder
HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA – Due to recent changes in Alabama state legislation, a malfunctioning embryo freezer has been charged with mass murder. The accused cryopreservation appliance recently …
Breaking: Coworker who gave entire office Covid promoted for never taking a day off
HAMILTON, ON ― Inside sources report that your boss soon plans to announce a major promotion for Nathan Crane, a coworker currently working the same position as you. A significant factor in the …
Read the curriculum for Jordan Peterson’s court ordered social media training
Jordan Peterson has once again lost his appeal of the College Of Psychologists’ Order that he take mandatory social media training or risk losing his license for making degrading statements…
Court declares Jordan Peterson has to take “how not to be an asshole” class
TORONTO – The Court of Appeal for Ontario has rejected noted psychologist and asshole Jordan Peterson’s attempt to avoid attending an anti-assholery class required by the College of Psychol…
Man uses remainder of year’s health benefits on half-a-dozen vasectomies
VICTORIA – Management consultant Howard Bear is using up the remainder of his yearly workplace medical benefits at his local vasectomy clinic, according to local sources. “I don’t really enjoy ac…