OTTAWA – As the holidays approach and cases of COVID-19 continue to rise, the Public Health Agency of Canada has urged citizens to limit social events this season to less than ten lords, especial…
Health
Canada politely waits in desperate silence to be asked if it would like more COVID vaccines
OTTAWA – As nations around the world line up to acquire vaccines against the COVID19 virus from countries with the manufacturing capacity, Canada is quietly waiting its turn to be offered s…
Local woman watches porn just to see people interacting without masks on
KITCHENER- With more Canadians staying at home and avoiding the public, it makes sense that online activities would also be on the rise. But a new report suggests that while porn consumption is u…
Canadians warned to shelter at home unless your job makes money for someone richer
OTTAWA – Health Canada is warning all Canadians to avoid COVID by staying at home, with the exception of those whose jobs create wealth for those with exponentially more money than them, in…
Santa Claus states fake Pandemic won’t stop him from entering anyone’s home
North Pole – Santa Claus has responded to questions about the pandemic affecting Christmas by saying he is not afraid of some “fake disease.” “I won’t let some left-wing conspiracy to destr…
Woman dead for three days told she’s “probably just stressed” by doctor
BARRIE, ON – Olivia Short, a local woman diagnosed as “probably just stressed” by her doctor, has turned out to have already been dead for three days. Olivia “Liv” Short, 29, had already been dec…
Pharmaceutical companies say Canada would get COVID vaccine faster if they didn’t need to print labels in French too
OTTAWA – As concerns mount that Canada may be “last in line” for access to the COVID-19 vaccines being developed, American pharmaceutical companies have reassured Canadians that…
Midwives offer contactless deliveries
SASKATOON – Amid growing COVID numbers and increased hospital regulations, midwives across the country have begun to offer contactless deliveries to ease the minds of new parents. In a pres…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
REPORT: Couples most successful at quarantining when one a master of disguise
CALGARY – According to a new study from the University of Calgary’s Sociology Department, during the 2020 global pandemic the couples having the most success cohabitating are those where on…
