Cambridge, MA – After an exhaustive consultation with mathematicians and quantum computer programmers, singer Cher and songwriter Diane Warren have rewritten the 1989 hit ‘If I Could Turn B…
Culture
Police at Gambino boss murder scene sick of having to shoo away Martin Scorsese
Staten Island, NY – The NYPD officers that have been stationed to patrol the crime scene where former Gambino crime boss, Francesco Cali, was recently shot and killed have grown tired of ha…
JK Rowling reveals Harry Potter voted against Brexit
EDINBURGH – Continuing her trend of making proclamations about her characters’ personal lives, Harry Potter author JK Rowling announced this week that her titular boy wizard voted “remain” in the…
“Stupid comic book nerds,” says man who can name every Patriots player from the last 60 years
Hamilton, ON – Local sports enthusiast Jim Clement was overheard last week laughing about how comic book fans are nothing but a bunch of “obsessive nerds who need lives,” after having a len…
Netflix invests in more serial killings to meet demand for documentaries
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming platform Netflix has committed millions of dollars toward paying people to commit new, quirky, yet relatable serial murders so that their crimes can be transfo…
Three superhero movies this decade with female leads? What’s next? A FOURTH!?!
By: Greg Anderson Captain Marvel comes out this weekend, and I have to say, this onslaught of female superheroes makes me very uncomfortable. This decade alone we already had one, then the other …
Actor Luke Perry dies at age – what? 52 years old? That can’t be right
HOLLYWOOD — Following a sudden stroke, beloved actor Luke Perry has died in hospital at the age of, huh, 52, okay there is no damn way that Dylan McKay was 52 years old. Known worldwide for…
Nation in shock as documentary confirms everything they already knew about Michael Jackson
LOS ANGELES – The entire nation is in total shock today in the wake of horrifying revelations contained in the HBO documentary Leaving Neverland, allegations which everyone already knew to …
Kevin Jonas just happy to be included
LOS ANGELES – Excitement over the return of the Jonas Brothers, one of the most successful boy bands of the early 2000s, is burnin’ up all over social media. However, no one is more excited…
Stolen Group of Seven painting fortunately only a Frederick Varley
TORONTO – Private gallery owner Richard Grier announced that a Group of Seven painting stolen this week was thankfully was only a piece by Frederick Varley. “You can imagine my distress when I no…
