MONTREAL – Faced with mounting calls for the company to issue refunds to passengers whose travel was cancelled due to COVID-19 instead of just travel vouchers, Air Canada CEO Calin Rovinesc…
Business
Canadian geese offer ass-to-door delivery of hot load of sidewalk shit
VAUGHAN, ON – A new startup helmed by Canadian geese is promising to deliver direct ass-to-door sidewalk goose shit to customers via their app, Instacrap. “Nothing signals the beginning of …
“Nothing can harm me now,” states Tim Hortons employee behind flimsy plastic sheet
Scarborough, ON – Local Tim Hortons employee Jim Matthews feels invincible after his management has installed a thin plastic sheet in front of his register. “I’ve never felt so powerful,” s…
Report: Nothing accomplished in Zoom meetings as everyone distracted checking themselves out
TORONTO, ONT. – According to a new report published in Business Quarterly magazine, a significant majority of Canadian workplaces confirm that Zoom meetings are increasingly unproductive a…
Corporations accused of price gouging Northern Communities during the pandemic and also a long time before the pandemic
WHITEHORSE – In the midst of heightened demand during the pandemic some corporations have come under fire for artificially increasing prices, a practice which many spent years perfecting in…
“I think…sorry…I think that…what? No you go ahead,” says man during zoom meeting
Timmins, ON – Local man Frank Butler is finding it difficult to jump in during his work’s weekly zoom check in meeting, prompting him to repeatedly start talking and then stop when he…
Bank CEO reassures worried Canadians: “I’m going to be okay”
TORONTO – As the economic impact of the COVID-19 crisis devastates Canadian household finances, Royal Bank President and CEO David McKay reassured the nation: “I want you all to know in this diff…
Airlines announce jet demolition derby to make up lost revenue
TORONTO – In the face of mounting losses, plummeting stock prices, idle jets and the suspension of major spectator sports a number of airlines have announced they will hold jet demolition d…
Devastated stock brokers with faces in hands clearly not taking coronavirus precautions seriously
NEW YORK – Stock brokers throughout the world holding their faces in disbelief at the economic consequences of coronavirus have not been taking public health advice seriously. WHO advised t…
Experts scramble to figure out how global oil price crash the fault of Wet’suwet’en protestors
CALGARY — As oil prices crash 31% worldwide and the Dow drops more than 2,000 points over Coronavirus fears, oil industry experts are working hard on a way to blame all of this on recent We…
