NEW YORK CITY – As more frontline workers opt to quit minimum wage jobs that could expose them to COVID, Company CEOs say they are furious that people would simply stay home and “cash…
Business
Air Canada promises to refund tickets with your money
OTTAWA – After a deal was reached to provide Air Canada with a $5.9 billion aid package, a spokesperson for the company announced they would allow refunds for tickets now that they can use …
West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory has announced that West Toronto is on track to meet its 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household. Following legalization in 2018 Ontario found itself last …
Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name
BARRIE, ON – In the wake of soaring COVID-19 deaths of patients of long-term care facilities, industry leaders have announced they will remove the words “long” and “care” in order to clear …
First Bitcoin ETF will combine simplicity of cryptocurrency with integrity of investment stocks
TORONTO – North America’s first Bitcoin exchange-traded fund opened this week on the Toronto Stock Exchange amidst skyrocketing cryptocurrency values. This new ETF spearheaded by Purpose In…
Rogers can’t fucking believe they’re the less evil telecom giant
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications Inc. expressed disbelief this morning that they’ve become the ‘good one’ of Canada’s two telecom giants. “I don…
Bell asks Canadians to stop talking
MONTREAL – Bell Media shocked the radio market Tuesday when it shuttered three of its sports-themed stations as part of an ongoing layoff streak, following their recent “Let’s Talk” mental …
Jeff Bezos to step down in five to ten days, or overnight with Prime
SEATTLE – Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his intention to step down, with the move taking effect some time in the next five to ten days, with the option for a much speedier…
NRA files for bankruptcy after “Attending a Wedding of 100” people becomes hot new way to murder
NEW YOURK CITY – Last Friday the National Rifle Association filed for bankruptcy after mass shootings officially dropped to 2nd Trendiest Way To Murder, since newcomer “attending a full wed…
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
REGINA – Local man Aidan Waite is encouraging all his friends and family to stay away from Amazon when doing their holiday shopping, and instead support local mom and pop shops like Indigo …
