MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Departme…
Business
Tech startup proud to be first to hire an actual Invisible Minority
TORONTO, ON – In an effort to further bridge the gap of employment inequality, Toronto-based tech startup Diverse-Tech has hired an invisible minority. “When applications started to come in…
Wall Street to trade water, also mentions human body 60% water for no particular reason
NEW YORK – Representatives for the NYSE have announced that water futures will enter commodities trading on the stock market, before cryptically adding that human bodies are composed of mor…
Office Christmas Party cancellation leaves local man with nowhere to make drunken fool of himself
CALGARY – With his firm forgoing plans for the usual Christmas party this year due to the current pandemic, paralegal Will Sanchez is worried that he will have nowhere to disgrace himself i…
Black Friday shoppers prepare for outdoor bloodbath this year
CANADA – With the COVID-19 pandemic forcing retail locations across the country to limit the number of customers inside, many shoppers hoping to take advantage of Black Friday deals are get…
Woman’s opinion about to get some really good traction after this guy says it
VANCOUVER – Local copywriter Robert Strong just made a huge contribution to the meeting by repeating a brilliant observation made by the only other woman in the group earlier when no one wa…
Comedy industry not sure if it can survive without physical location for sexual predators to thrive
New York, NY – With the closure of more and more comedy clubs and improv theatres due to COVID-19, many experts are wondering whether the industry can survive without brick and mortar space…
Study: 90% of Canadians unable to say name Fabricland without immediately repeating it faster and louder
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has found that, thanks to radio and tv jingles, the vast majority of Canadians are unable to say the name of cloth merchant Fabricland wit…
Pizza Pizza to start delivering gross slice you only buy because it’s 2am and you’re drunk
TORONTO – With COVID restrictions cutting into their customer base of ‘people who wandered in drunk because they recognized the orange sign’ Pizza Pizza has announced that they …
MEC reassures customers they’ll still charge $800 per sleeping bag
VANCOUVER – Leadership at the Mountain Equipment Co-op have reassured members that, despite being sold to a US investment firm, they will still charge $800 for a sleeping bag you’ll never u…
