TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolute…
Boring Canada still has no Ebola: report
OTTAWA – Citizens are expressing boredom with the fact that Canada still has no cases of Ebola, a new report finds. “It’s good that we’re safe but Canada news is so boring. Just…
UPDATE: Chinese government warns that democracy may make nation more like USA
HONG KONG – Chinese leaders continued to pressure Hong Kong protestors this week, giving them strong warnings that democracy could lead the nation down a dangerous path similar to that of t…
Winnipeg Jets: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Winnipeg Jets Mascot: The guy outside the arena still talking about Teemu Selanne’s rookie year. 2013-14 Season: Good enough not to leave again Key Additions: For some reason Winnipeg, the …
Friend’s sense of self-worth measured in ‘likes’
HAMILTON, ON – Local communications officer Amanda Pilith measures her value to society in terms of how many ‘likes’ she receives on Facebook posts for her random musings, attempts at witti…
Toronto Maple Leafs: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs Mascot: An empty Platinum level seat 2013-14 Season: The Leafs managed to take the dramatic third period collapse in their Game 7 loss to the Bruins from the previous ye…
Costly feasibility study determines city of Toronto should be scrapped
TORONTO – After performing an in-house audit and hiring several third party firms to a total cost of over $683 million, the City of Toronto has determined it is too expensive to continue an…
Paul Calandra answers questions about Iraq with squash soup recipe
OTTAWA – Paul Calandra recited ingredients from his favourite squash soup recipe this morning after he was asked by NDP leader Tom Mulcair to give information about Canada’s deploymen…
MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a mean…
NFL to nation’s women: ‘Please stop letting our star players assault you’
NEW YORK – Citing the need to correct longstanding issues within its organization, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, along with coaches from across the country, pleaded with the nation’s wome…
