LOS ANGELES – The author of the latest Bond novel has called for Daniel Craig to be fired after arriving to the Spectre premiere with a tan he believes is “too dark” to properly represent the cha…
Margaret Wente renews demon blood-pact
CANADA – With All Hallows’ Eve approaching and 100 new moons having passed since her last engagement with the blood demon Vasnarskabb, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente has rene…
Progressives applaud nation’s willingness to take powerful man seriously despite good looks
OTTAWA—Following the election of Justin Trudeau as Canada’s next Prime Minister, advocates for equality and civility in political discourse have congratulated Canadian voters for demonstrating th…
Benjamin Netanyahu claims Hitler was ‘just following orders’
JERUSALEM – At a meeting of the World Zionist Congress in Jerusalem this week, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed that Adolf Hitler was ‘just following orders’ from Haj Amin al-Hus…
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
OTTAWA — NDP leader Thomas Mulcair has blasted the incoming Liberal government for stealing his party’s idea to form a strong majority government. “The Liberals have always had a history of…
Justin Trudeau yet to memorize lines for October production of ‘Oklahoma!’
MONTREAL – While performing well in the final week of the federal election campaign, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has yet to learn all of his lines for a community theatre production of p…
Rob Ford signs multi-thousand dollar tracksuit sponsorship deal
TORONTO — Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has just announced a lucrative multi-thousand dollar tracksuit deal with Adidas. After recently having signed NBA heartthrob James Harden, Adidas’ is…
New polls definitively show NDP will win or lose
CANADA – Newly released polls are showing that the NDP have a very strong chance of winning the upcoming federal election, and simultaneously no chance at all. “The NDP have been poll…
Harper pledges all Conservative candidates will be potty trained by time they take office
OTTAWA — Following the resignation of a Toronto candidate this weekend, the Conservative Party of Canada has pledged all future candidates will be ethical, upstanding citizens who know how to use…
Conservatives claim Canada only country in the world to successfully deny deficit
OTTAWA – Despite a report from the Parliamentary Budget Officer indicating that the nation’s budget will not be balanced, the Conservatives triumphantly announced today that Canada is the f…
